My home has its own Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy!
"Stephen and I spent all weekend at his parents' house; we had a really nice time"
"I'm going to take Stephen to the doctor because he hurt his back"
"I'm so in love with Stephen that I crave him when he's not around"
I ask you, fellow culture warriors: Why is it that I can talk to my daughter, Lisa, for hours on end without either of us ever mentioning her husband (the jerk), but whenever I chat with my son, Micah, he acts like I'm being somehow silly by not wanting to hear about his partn...uhm, roommate. I mean, why does he feel the need to flaunt his lifestyle in my face? Isn't there more to his life than just his choice to be a homosexual? I'm really starting to wonder!
True story: My husband and I have been blessed in holy traditional matrimonial goodness for 31 years. And you know what? I hardly ever talk about him! Heck, there are days when he's so wrapped up in his football or hunting, I forget he's even here. But every time I call my son up there in the big city, he's like, "Stephen took me here, we saw this movie, we did this, we did that, and we love to be together." Blah, blah blah, blah, blah! I swear, it's like he's just trying to rub that stupid butthole in my face all the time! I mean, look -- If I wanted to hear about that so-called Stephen, I'd actually agree to meet or have even one conversation with him! But do I do that? NO! So what makes Micah think I want to hear about his loser friend when I call to talk about what's going on in HIS life? I want to hear about real things like the weather or "American Idol"!
Now, my son of course doesn't get it. He always tells me that even though I CAN have a full conversation with Lisa without talking about her husband (the jerk), the fact that I talk about her kids is an acknowledgment that her other half exists. And he says that if I need or want to talk about her husband (the jerk), I will, but that I go to extreme lengths to avoid talking about Stephen. But if you ask me, that's all completely beside the point. The fact remains that I CAN ignore my husband, Lisa's husband, or any other normal, heterosexual's person's spouse, but in the seven years that Micah has been roommates with Stephen, not one year has gone by that he hasn't asked me to consider his "partner"s well-being. Not one! He's even had the nerve to ask that when I come up on my annual holiday trip to visit him (I think it's important for family to stay close and I love the "pro-family" spirit of New York City at Christmas), I allow Stephen to come sightseeing with us! I mean, COME ON -- If that's not flaunting your lifestyle, I don't know what is! I come to visit so I can see my son's life (and the Macy's windows), not his perversions!
Look, I love all of my kids equally. I want them all to be happy, which is why I simply can't let Micah think I approve of his preference to play house with his roommate. It's not like I'm being unfair! I'm not asking that he get married or even go on dates. I'd be perfectly fine with him being one of those swingin' bachelors in the big city. But how can I just sit back and let him continue to spend every waking hour with this person who he claims to "love"? For seven years now, he's been trying to talk to me about Stephen and all of the great times he has with him and his family. If I don't step in and do something, he might end up stuck with him in this lifestyle for the rest of his days! Can you even imagine?! I mean, I have friends who know people who know people who live in the Big Apple! What if somebody saw them together and told someone I know? To quote this waiter that we had last year in this little New York deli with these really big corned beef sandwiches: It would be really "oy!" if that happened!
So in closing, let me just say to those of you who have chosen the gay lifestyle: If you are lucky enough to have a mother, do them a favor and keep you sex-obseseed perversions in the closets! The love that dare not speak its name also shouldn't speak your mother's! It's just like I used to tell Micah when he was playing in his sister's ballet shoes: "AAAH! GET THOSE OFF RIGHT NOW AND NEVER TELL ANOTHER LIVING SOUL THAT YOU PUT THOSE PINK SLIPPERS ON YOUR HETEROSEXUAL BOY FEET!!!!" It's the same with your "gayness": If you broken people choose to slip your selves into the delicate dance boots of homo-queer-orgiedom, then you need to close both the blinds and your lips!!
Now if you'll excuse me, sinners, I need to go call Micah. His sister's kids just did the cutest thing, and since he hasn't seen them in the seven years since he decided to become gay and tear our family apart, I know he'll want to hear all about it. That way when he becomes normal again and is therefore suitable to be in the presence of little ones, he'll have some idea of what they're like. He may say that it's painful for him to hear these stories since "he's not welcome in our home as his true self," but I know what he really means is that he loves and misses us, and is sorry for all of the pain he's caused. A mother knows her son.
Posted by B. S. | Link to my brilliance