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Finally, a use for TVC "Special Reports"

by Jeremy Hooper

If you happen to run out of toilet paper today, just head over to the website of The Traditional Values Coalition, where you can print out Louis Sheldon's latest diatribe, "The Destruction of Marriage Precedes the Death of Culture," and use that to wipe your ass. For you see, without being utilized to clean your pooper, the existence of said document would be in vain, as it is a dangerously misleading piece of bigotry devoid of a purpose greater than that of feces removal.

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