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'Concerned Woman' in training witnesses pride parade, narrowly lives to tell tale

by Jeremy Hooper

   Lindsey Douthit (pic.), a Concerned Women For America "Concerned Intern," was happily strolling through the most idyllic of D.C.'s this weekend, when faster than you can say "Gee, I'm glad there are no 'mos around," the sky turned dark, the ground began to quiver, and a faint smell of apocalypse entered the air. For our heroine had stumbled upon the 2005 Capital Pride parade, an event so tolerant, so accepting, so gay-friendly, Lindsey knew that if she were to make it out alive, her explosive, fear-mongering recount of the horror would bump her up to at least "Concerned Hand Maid" status.

Linds relives her pain on the CWFA website, saying:

The first clue that I was not in Kansas anymore was the nude girl riding by on a bicycle. Surely that was, among other things, painfully uncomfortable. Then a group of hawkers offered to sell me rainbow-colored beads and sunglasses. I had a gut feeling that these were not the sweet, happy rainbows from childhood stories.

Giant parade floats filled with men wearing only leather straps or women dressed like Oregon loggers glided by, with banners proclaiming the joys of living a homosexual lifestyle. Later the Gay Men’s Chorus of Washington performed, featuring a giant lookalike Ernie puppet (they even found a way to desecrate Sesame Street) cheerfully singing “I’m So Over the Rainbow” to the tune of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” What next, I thought, a Mr. Rogers impersonator singing “Won’t You Be My Gay Neighbor?”

A wave of helplessness hit me as I realized that the route to my apartment was blocked by the festival goers. As they screamed in different voices about love and tolerance and happiness, I hoped that they wouldn’t find out where I was interning, or what I really thought about all this, and that I’d make it home somehow. Something told me that they would not be very tolerant of my conservative, Biblical views. Since June is the official “Gay Pride” month, I wondered if it would be a good idea to start apartment shopping.

And they call us drama queens! Linds, you certainly have the potential to be a "pro-family" all star, what with your uncanny ability to take even the most benign of gay events and paint it as a moralless cesspool of debauched souls hellbent on destroying society and corrupting all within. But Linds, you totally gloss over the majority of what Gay Pride is really about, which is a community coming together to stand up for our collective struggle. In fact, if you go to this Flickr page, you can see 177 photos from the same "Capital Pride" event, featuring some scantily clad lads and lassies, we'll admit, but mostly showing gay families, gay rights groups, supportive parents, and a sense of community with which the LGBT world only asks to celebrate once a year. After all, thanks in part to organizations like the one with which you are so proudly spending your summer, many of us still need these annual doses of full-on gayness to show us that we're not so alone.

So Ms. Linds, enjoy your summer harnessing your anti-gay feelings into full-blown "pro-family" rage. For you have chosen a lifestyle whose "pride" lies in inequality and whose "happiness" involves hurting a minority. You PROUDLY ride on that discriminatory cloud all you want; we'll take our humble floats anyday.

From American Pride to Another Kind Entirely [CWA]

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