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Two years after homosexual's arrival, Kentucky church leaves soiree

by Jeremy Hooper

Father Kent Litchfield and nearly 100 of his parishioners from Holy Apostles Church in Elizabethtown, KY have announced that they will be separating from the Episcopal denomination and forming their own church, due to the Episcopalians' 2003 ordination of openly gay Bishop V. Gene Robinson. Those leaving indicated that by doing so, they will be "returning to the roots of their religion."

Upon hearing of the churchgoers impending exodus, local homo stylist Nelly Mcqueer was heard to say "Girl, I can take care of those roots; I'll just dye," to which local extreme homophobe Hater McStinkypants was said to reply "THANK YOU! Homos dying would be the easiest solution."

But that's ridiculous! Of course they don't want us dead; they simply want us closeted, unequal, hidden, sexless, joined in faux loveless unions, saved, deprived of happiness, full of loathing, stigmatized, and no closer than twenty feet from their children. Alive, yet with no life.

The church members will reportedly hold their new services in the local State Theatre, because if you can't ensure a queer-free existence in a community theatre setting, where can ya?

Church Takes Stand Over Gay Bishop's Ordination []

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