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12/13/2005

Iowa gay couples seek marriage via suit; we think marriage via judge or religious figure would be more efficient, as suits, mostly fabric and thread, don't have vow-performing mouths...duh!

by Jeremy Hooper

    Six same-sex couples in Iowa (repped by Lambda Legal) have filed a lawsuit arguing that under the guarantees of their state constitution, it is unlawful to prevent gay couples from gettin' hitched.

Not to be outdone, we have filed our own suit arguing that under the guarantees of phonics, the Iowa city of Des Moines should be pronounced "Dess Moynes." We're so tired of all of these people being like "no, it's pronounced "Duh Moyn," and us having to be all like "then why are three "S's" in the city's name, stupid idiot face?" "S" pronunciation should be limited to one phonetic rule, one vocal cord -- period.

So why are we going off on this ridiculous tangent? Because after writing about approximately 65,723 state-level lawsuits seeking the legalization of gay marriage, we had absolutely nothing to say about this particular Iowa-based one. And you know what they say: When life gives you gay-themed writer's block, point out the linguistic hardships caused by silent letters in the names of state capitals.

Best of luck, Iowa couples!

Six same-sex couples file marriage lawsuit [AP via DesMoinesRegister.com]

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