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12/15/2005

Iowa GOP to step up legacy-tarnishing efforts

by Jeremy Hooper

   Just a few days after six of the state's same-sex couples announced they were suing for the right to marry, Iowa Republican state lawmakers have declared that they will step up their queer marriage-banning game when the Legislature reconvenes next month.

Not to be outdone, we'd like to announce that we will spend next month trying to convince everyone that the Republican lawmakers' weddings were unbelievably tacky, the food left something to be desired, and their band destroyed the sanctity of our eardrums.

   As to why the GOP feels the need to push for the nuptials-barring amendment, Senate co-prez Jeff Lamberti (pic.) says, "we have a direct attack on Iowa law."

   In response, the Iowa Constitution (pic.) said, "Uh, no, I'm actually good. In fact, the way I've always interpreted myself, I think Mr. Lamberti and his GOP cronies might be the ones attacking my true meaning. I mean, I'm just a document, so I could be wrong. But I don't know -- those 'equality for all' marks that I have all over my body seem to me to indicate that the gay couples in love have every me-based right to get hitched. Of course people are always misconstruing my existence and meaning; my therapist says it's because I leave too much room for interpretation, and that too many people have tried to mold and shape me to fit their agendas. But I'm getting off on a tangent. To make a long story short: Please don't bastardize my existence like you've done to 19 of my brothers and sisters."

GOP lawmakers to push for gay marriage ban [Quad-City Times]

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