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12/09/2005

'One-time homo' criticizes 'Brokeback'; unicorn also said to have a few thoughts

by Jeremy Hooper

   "Erstwhile homo" and current host of an "ex-gay" radio show, Stephen Bennett (pic.), is, with his wife and co-host Irene, decrying Brokeback Mountain for sending "a very dangerous message to America's youth - and especially married couples with a struggling spouse." Now we can't for a second imagine why an "ex-gay" and his wife wouldn't enjoy a film about homosexual cowboys who hide their desires and live in loveless marriages -- must be due to shoddy cinematography or underdeveloped character arcs. Let's see...

In their criticism, the Bennetts are taking the position that the movie will somehow persuade closeted married men to leave their wives . Stephen says,

"I just spoke with a married man on the telephone who is contemplating leaving his wife and children. He's says he's gay - and Brokeback Mountain has influenced his decision. I spent a lot of time with this man telling him it's not what they're making it out to be. I know - I was there for 11 years." Stephen continued, "Believe me, we can sadly expect to see a lot more men like former Governor Jim McGreevy of New Jersey not only resigning from their jobs, but from their wives, children and families."

We, however, have a really novel way to avoid this sort of a situation -- if you're gay, don't marry someone of the opposite sex. If you don't desire or enjoy intercourse with your opposite-sex partner and find yourself imagining it's a same-sex romp in order to get through the deed, at risk of sounding like the gay Jeff Foxworthy, you might be a homosexual. It's really not that hard (pun absolutely intended).

Mr. "Bennett but am I no longer" goes on to say,

"In the end, don't be fooled. This movie is not a 'love story' at all. Ask the real wives, children and families whose lives have been destroyed, as they have 'lived' Brokeback Mountain. Personally, I would have made the movie from the wives' and children's perspective and appropriately called it Heartbreak Hotel."

Relatedly, you could also remake the film from the horses' perspectives and call it, "My Back's Practically Broken Because You've Been Riding Me So Much." Actually, come to think of it, that could also be the title if told from the gay cowboys' perspective; whatever that means.

So in summary, folks, don't expect this film to be a big hit with the "ex-gay" crowd. Fortunately, seeing as how this writer's met approximately 37,312 homosexuals in his twenty six years on this Earth yet hasn't encountered even one "former homo," the box office wouldn't seem to be compromised too much by an "ex-gaycott."

Former Homosexual and Wife say Beware of 'Brokeback Mountain' [Christian Communication Network]

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