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12/12/2005

Study: 6% of Britons' upper lips stiffened by those of their own sex

by Jeremy Hooper

   A new government study indicates that one in sixteen British citizens are of the homosexual persuasion. Meaning, of course, that either a Spice Girl, a Beatle, a Rolling Stone, or one of the Oasis brothers (possibly) direct their personal British invasions towards members of their own gender.

No word on how these numbers stack up next to the U.S.'s own "likelihood of 'moness" figures, though we do hear that America's tallies have better teeth.

-reduce the British population down to a few pop culture icons...check
-make cliched British bad teeth joke...check
-make cliched reference to the British pronunciation of "schedule"...oh, hell....

We're supposed to chat with a government official regarding these findings, we're just trying to find out how in the hell one "shed-yools" a time. Because you see, Anglo friends, you pronounce that word all wrong. Everyone knows "sch" is pronounced "sk." It's like some "say 'h' like 'k' especially after 'c'" rule, or something like that. Eh, we don't have to explain it -- we're American, which makes us right.

-sit back and pat self on back for helping keep the "ugly American" label alive...check

Six per cent of population are gay or lesbian, according to Whitehall figures [news.telegraph]

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