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01/16/2006

Buttars attacks GSAs at Eagle Forum convention; Butters attack our thighs, thus we use Smart Balance

by Jeremy Hooper

   Utah Senator Chris Buttars (pic.) put in an appearance at the Eagle Forum's conservative convention over the weekend, where he spoke the "virtues" of banning gay-straight alliances from his state's high schools. According to the AP, Buttars told the 150-200 attendees of the Large Bird Of Prey Assembly, "This gay issue is everywhere -- they're getting into everything" and that "Their definition of morality is to have no morality," before going on to espouse his belief that GSAs are clubs where gay and lesbian students talk primarily about sex.

Loves us, this one.

Buttars also reportedly accused gays of characterizing opponents as bigots, narrow-minded and out of touch with reality in order to paint themselves as victims. This is of course totally opposite from our strategy, where we merely paint our "opponents" as "woefully misguided" in order to characterize ourselves as "people whose equaity-supporting legacies will not embarrass our grandkids someday."

Buttars -- like the yellow fatty substance that shares most of your letters, you've probably got some really yummy ideas. Unfortunately, just like that creamy toast spread, these delicious thoughts are completely overruled by the "supports an environment not conducive to our well-being" nature of your most prevalent legislative pushes. Therefore, we gays must work mercilessly until we reach that joyous election day when we can all say, "THAT PERSON WON? REALLY? I can't believe it's not Buttars!"

Buttars seeks support from Eagle Forum [AP via Daily Herald]

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