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01/19/2006

If you can picket here, you can picket anywhere

by Jeremy Hooper

This comes from those "fag-hating" folks at Westboro Baptist Church:

Picture 6-21

And she will of course cohabit in NYC with her good friends "Promiscuous Dutchess Sizable Hooters," "Whorish Queen Tiny Bosom," and "Loose Lady 'Oh, Those Are Fake.'"

Attached at the bosoms, those ladies are!

But today's character attacks don't stop at this apparently well-endowed royal. No, no -- WBC also takes on the chesty lady's father, who last August had threatened to jail the Phelps clan if they picketed in his country. They spew in response:

Picture 7-16

Hmm. Well first off: Westboro finds "tits" to be an acceptable genitalia description, yet they puss out and go with "gonads" when referring to male genitalia? Balls, nuts, sack, scrote -- all carry much more literary "oomph" than gonads. Just sayin', that's all.

Testicular synonyms aside, however, we also desperately want to know: What the hell do we have to do to get these guys to picket us? Hell, we're Manhattan based! Maybe they could swing by on their way to Ms. Royal D-cups' pad and give us a little of their patented brand of batsh*t crazy? We've been telling our neighbors about these folks for months, and frankly, they don't believe they're real. So come on over, Westboro! The Upper East Side could use a little dose of nutty to brighten up this dark hole of wealthy folk, designer dogs, and muti-million dollar townhouses. There's even a nice Jewish deli right around the corner that has bagels and Lox to DIE FOR.

Whatdaya say, sillies? Large busted princesses may have the cachet and name recognition, but we've got spunk. Ya like spunk, dontcha? Well, mull it over and let us know.

Sweden's slutty Princess Big Tits is moving to NYC to live with 3 women [WBC Relase, uploaded to our own server]

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