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02/01/2006

'Coloradans for Pissin' Us Off' begin marriage-barring efforts

by Jeremy Hooper

  According to the AP, the anti-gay marriage folks at Coloradans for Marriage today submitted the proposed wording of an amendment that could put a gay marriage ban on the state's '06 ballot, pending it receives approval from the secretary of state and 68,000 valid signatures from registered voters.

Inspired, we plan to propose our own amendment demanding that these groups start calling themselves a name that is not completely duplicitous. After all, judging by the emails we've received from Greg & Bobby in Denver, Joann & Debbie in Aspen, and Thomas & Ashley in Colorado Springs (who, while not gay, support same-sex nups), these "pro-family" guys are not the only "Coloradans for Marriage." It's fine if they want to dedicate their efforts to making their state a more discriminatory place, but they can at least be genuine enough to call themselves something like "Rocky Mountain 'Mo Marriage Marauders." At the end of the day, their efforts are only going to prolong the wait until we can hitch it in Vail, which means that "for" our "marriage," these Coloradans are certainly not striving.

Coloradans for Heterosexual Marriage -- More power to ya

Coloradans for Marriages In Which "Here Comes The Bride" Doesn't Need to Be Either Pluralized or Altered -- Verbose, but it would work

Coloradans for Marriages Whose Reception Features The Gayest Song Known To Man -- Sounds like it wouldn't work, right? But it totally would, as for some reason hets go apesh*t for Y.M.C.A, while gays seem to find it far too cheesy to play at their soirees

Coloradans for Marijuana -- oops, wrong issue

Coloradans for Marriage -- not so much

If the wording is approved, the group whose deceitful name makes us want to break things will begin the quest to collect 68,000 names. So if you see someone with a pen and paper asking if you're "for marriage," fair-minded Coloradans, be sure to let them catch the bouquet of the worst fart you can muster.

Colorado group starts drive for amendment to ban gay marriage [AP via Gazette]

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