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03/31/2006

Covering John Denver the Westboro way

by Jeremy Hooper

Bored with standard recounting of their pickets and "God Hates Fags" practices, our ol' two step partners at Westboro Baptist have related their recent protests in Colorado by cleverly writing a series of songs set to the tune of John Denver's "Rocky Mountain High." A sampling:

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Bored with just being like, "you guys are misguided, likely because you've been just a tad bit brainwashed by growing up in a compound with an extremist father," we've decided to respond to the "feces snack" portion of their attack, using John Denver's "Thank God I'm a Country Boy." A sampling:

Well I am gay but I've never had a snack
That came from the hole that resides in the back
I prefer Hershey's more than chocolate from the crack
Thank God I don't eat poo

Well a simple Snickers bar never did me no harm
Peppermint Patties also have a certain charm
I'll leave the sh*t rootin' to the pigs on a farm
Thank God I don't eat poo

Well I've got me a palette, it doesn't like feces
It much prefers a snack that's made by Reese's
I'll eat the cups or the peanut butter pieces
Thank God I don't eat poo

A surefire hit, that one. And be sure to look out for future tête - à - têtes between ourselves and Westboro, when we'll respond to their musical claims that we are intrinsically evil using only Kelis' "Milkshake."

My biology tells me it's men who make me hard
And they're like,
'Well, you God abhors'
Damn right,
'Well, you...

***This parody song and others can be found over on Westboro's website [Colorado Epic Poem/Song (03-26-2006)]. However, a link from us is something these kids will never receive.

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