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Snake oil too limiting, 'ex-gays' now peddling wearable wares

by Jeremy Hooper

So say you used to be something and now you're not, and you want to not only define yourself by what you claim you no longer are, but also want to attire yourself in clothing and surround yourself with imagery that lets the whole world know, "Hey, I'm no longer that, I'm now this, but I want you to remember that I was once that, so I'll declare that I'm 'ex-what I was,' not currently what I claim to have been changed into."

Got all that? NO?

Okay, well then say you want to support a misguided, falsely compassionate, organized movement that attempts to demonize homosexuality by presenting the illusion that 'moness is a changeable condition (a concept condemned by every major medical and mental health organization in the United States). What would a line of merchandise supporting the illusion look like? Well, fortunately the folks at PFOX (The Parents and Friends of Ex-gays and Gays, though their acronym conspicuously leaves off the "and gays" part) have answered that question. Through, the PFOXers have rolled out a product line for every "ex-gay" supporter in your life.

For those whose lapel is just too grounded in reality, there are "Ex-gay is OK!" buttons:

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For the mouse that once pointed and clicked at but now guides its cursor to boobier regions:

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For the bitch in your life you used to sniff the asses of her own, but now now prefers the tails of studs:

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And for the car that no longer allows for rear entry:

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Additionally there are shirts, totes, teddy bears, and just a bounty of "ex-gaeity." Yes, my friends, all of the nation's "ex-gay" merchandise needs are now being served, thanks to the good work of PFOX. Though one caveat, my dears: If you actually find an "ex-gay," be careful of forking over your hard-earned cash for these items. For you see, the "ex-gay" is a fickle lot whose newfound "former homosexuality" is oftentimes just a fleeting fad, with the "former" part frequently going bye, bi, then back to gay.

By all means, order some stuff. Just make sure to check their return policies for making your purchase.

Ex-Gay Store [Cafe Press]
Hat Tips: Ex-Gay Watch
Reality Cubed

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