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Reading, writing, and reducing homophobia via tongue-in-cheek surveys

by Jeremy Hooper

Parents in Port Washington, Wisconsin, have reportedly complained to the local high school's principal because two of the school's teachers allowed the distribution of a "heterosexual questionnaire," a 10-question survey featuring such cheeky inquiries as: "Could it be that your heterosexuality is just a phase?" "If you have never slept with someone of your same gender, then how do you know you wouldn't prefer it?" and "Your heterosexuality doesn't offend me as long as you don't come on to me, but why do so many heterosexuals try to seduce others to their orientation?" Which are all so much better than the ridiculous question your then, now, and forever gay scribe used to ask his straight buddies in high school: "Dude, wanna go pick up some chicks?" But I digress.

Issued by a pro-gay student group, the 'rosexual questionnaire was obviously intended to make straight students look critically at some of the common (and annoying) questions often lobbed at gays. Unfortunately for the teachers who presented it in class, it seems to have instead led far too many in the community to ask the question, "What the hell were they thinking?" with several asking for the teachers to be disciplined. We, however, hope the administration will be kind to the likely well-intentioned instructors and not make "Paper or plastic?" the question their careers will next year require them to ask.

The survey says what? []

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