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State of New Jersey limits Westboro protests; state of our own new jersey is 'crisp, clean, and comfy'

by Jeremy Hooper

   Governor Jon Corzine (pic.) signed a bill this week making New Jersey the 12th state to limit where and when the "fag-hating" folks at Westboro Baptist can stage their protests of soldier's funerals. And while we don't fully agree with these sorts of laws on a free speech level and are bothered that it took the soldier protests to wake officials up to Westboro's actions (considering they've been protesting gay funerals for around 15 years), we do applaud Jersey for wishing to eradicate such hurtful sentiment. But we must say, Jersey -- if you guys really want to piss off Westboro, just rule in favor of gay marriage and let it stick around in an unchallenged capacity. Because whereas these bans could very well be overturned in court and just fuel Westboro's fire, allowing gay couples to hitch could keep them fully away in fear. Just trust us on this -- you need to legalize it!

Oh, and when you do -- we'll be registered at Bloomingdales. No self-serving interests involved, though; we just want to keep Chardonnay chilled in our new Viking wine chiller extremists' protests out of your state.

Interestingly, Westboro has yet to actually protest a soldier's funeral in Jersey. This is, of course, due to Biblical condemnations of driving for miles on a big-ass turnpike.

Funeral protest ban becomes state law [Courier Post Online]

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