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09/14/2006

Fred simply shocked...SHOCKED...that unbridled extremism elicited reaction

by Jeremy Hooper

Fred2-2In a USA Today piece on Westboro Baptist and their nationwide anti-gay crusade, WBC's pastor, Fred Phelps, asks the question:

"How in the world did we get this humble message from this humble little old nothing of a church to shake the whole country up?"

To which we reply: "Well, Fred, we're sure you think it's God's will that you all have attracted such attention and we know you cite Biblical reasons for why the nation is in such an uproar over your church's actions. But here's the thing, Frederick Waldron -- you act in an ass-crazy manner, you're gonna get attention in this world! If we wanted to simply be known, we'd go stand in front on hospitals holding signs saying 'God Hates Giving Birth As The Little Ones Are Going To Hell Anyways.' If we do that long enough, that's gonna get some media attention. So let's not pretend that you're somehow surprised that your pickets of FUNERALS and constant condemnation of the world is something that's attracted media attention. I mean, your quote makes it sound like you've just won an Oscar and you simply can't understand how a poor boy from the sticks could've put himself through acting classes and gone on to conquer Hollywood. As if your hard work and determination has led you to great things, and your now looking back with the bewildered, humble reflection usually reserved for heads of state or Nobel prize winners. But Fred, while you certainly are responsible for propagating hate for multiiple generations of your large family, you deserve little to no credit for taking that hate international. Just like various other thugs and miscreants who've foisted unbelievable bits of ugliness into the ether, your infamy was pretty much guaranteed. Let's curb the bewilderment, buddy!"

Funeral protesters say laws can't silence them [USA Today]

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