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09/28/2006

Musgrave: Putting 'values' into perspective

by Jeremy Hooper

   As pointed out by ThinkProgress, Colorado Congresswoman Marilyn Musgrave (leading House marriage ban sponsor) said at this past weekend's Values Voters Summit that gay marriage is "the most important issue that we face today."

An assertion which various soldiers stationed in Iraq replied: "Uhm, I have my thoughts on same-sex marriage. And you know when you can hear them? When we find AN END TO THIS WAR so that I can come home!"

And to which families of 9/11 victims responded: "I have an idea of something we should "protect" instead of marriage."

And to which America's healthcare system personified itself and replied: "Yo, remember me? I could use some attention!"

Not to mention Mother Nature, who weighed in with: "If you silly humans don't start acknowledging the 'inconvenient truth' that my Earthly playground is actually fragile and not something to be taken for granted, then my catty ass is gonna unleash some disaster that makes Katrina look sweet."

As for Bob and Steve, life partners for the past twenty five years? They just rolled their eyes and responded simultaneously: "Oh, a Christian conservative's demonizing us again? Ooh, can't wait for your stunning 'sky is blue' revelation!"

But good job, Ms. Musgrave! Getting a conversation started is what it's all about.

Musgrave then went on to say that if her "side" doesn't fight this "battle," then "the future is grim." News to which Madame Fifi the fortune teller responded, "Damn, then my crystal ball must be broken," and all the world's English teachers replied in unison: "Class, today we will learn a new definition for 'grim,' which apparently now means 'fair, equal, and just.'"

Musgrave: Gay Marriage ‘Is The Most Important Issue That We Face Today’ [ThinkProgress]

Other Values Voters speakers with "grim" gay outlooks: Ann Coulter
Bishop Wellington Boone
Mike Huckabee

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