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11/20/2006

But if he's feeling sprightly, will the detector beep when he calls himself 'Haggard'?

by Jeremy Hooper

 Good As You Images Picture-14-8It is being reported that as Rev. Ted Haggard goes about his "recovery" for his "moral failings," he will be required to take polygraph tests to determine how truthful he is being. Though considering they're trying to make a (seemingly) gay man straight, there's always the chance that just like his team has rechristened anti-gay as "pro-family," they'll also reimagine a "wildly dancing polygraph needle" to be a new sign of "ex-gay" success.

Because just like "the boy who cried: 'gays are wolves,'" it's really hard to trust these condemning cats.

Those involved in Haggard's "recovery" are quick to point out that he's free to leave the program at any time. We remain hopeful that Haggard will realize his gay feelings are the one aspect of his "failings" of which he should feel no shame; though sadly we imagine that won't happen until "hell has frozen over" is a statement that causes nary a lie detector to register an untruth.

Report: Haggard Will Be Watched Closely [AP via CBS4Denver.com]

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