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01/12/2007

Hey, how's the Pope condemning us this week?

by Jeremy Hooper

Benedict-1Speaking about the possibility that Italian lawmakers will legalize civil unions, the Pope on Thursday said "Wow, cool! Be sure to send me an invite to the reception, gay couples!"

Oh wait a minute, no. That actually only happened in our imagination, right before everyone replaced their guns with flowers and Westboro Baptist decided to start carrying signs reading: "We're actually performance artists who've been f***ing with you all this time." What the pontiff actually said about the planned approval of these unions was:

"Projects aimed at granting improper legal recognition to forms of unions other (than marriage) appear dangerous and counterproductive as they inevitably weaken and destabilise the legitimate family based on matrimony"

::sigh:: So much more divisive than the message that existed in our head. But hey, we're actually not the biggest fans of civil unions either. So we're with you, Pope -- marriage for all!!!!!!

Wait, what's that? He doesn't like marriage equality for gay couples either? In fact, he's really not a big fan of gay couples, period?
Oh.

Geez, our idealistic papal vision is so much nicer!

VATICAN: POPE SAYS NO TO CIVIL UNION RIGHTS IN ITALY [AKI]

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