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Dude, enough with the 'Wal-Mart search engine' thing!

by Jeremy Hooper

Picture 5-42Can every single "pro-family" spokesperson, group, and media outlet in existence please let us have your attention?

No, no, Mr. Barber -- we don't want to hear any of your flawed hate crimes arguments right now.

Ms. LaRue, please pipe down about your whole "bisexuals are essentially polygamists" thing.

Mr. LaBarbera: There's no time to debate your version of the "truth" right now, for we have something very important to say!

Everyone listening?

::sigh:: Mr. Wildmon, please turn off the iPod!

People, this is serious; we need your attention! Okay, everyone with us? Good. Alright, so we'd just like to say:


No, no, stop your rumbling and hear us out! Hey, hey, wait a minute -- where are you going, Dr. Dobson? No, we're sorry, but your defense against researchers' claims that you misued their work will have to wait a few minutes. You need to hear this one!

Okay, so here's the thing, kids: We first saw you guys break out this flawed Wal-Mat litmus test back in October, when the American Family Association -- and we're looking in your direction Mr. Wildmon -- sent out an "action alert" regarding all of the gay delights that one find via the retail giant's search engine. Then we saw it again last month, when BP News used the exact same logic to justify their current anti-Wal-Mart stance. Now we see the flawed wisdom employed YET AGAIN over at OneNewsNow, where American Decency Association president Bill Johnson today continues the "since they carry gay-themed books they must have a gay agenda" strategy.

Wait, what's that, Mr. Knight? Why is the reasoning fallacious? Well, good question. The answer, as we've pointed out a few times already, is that when you type the word "Christian" into that very same search engine, 62,450 items come up!!! This compared to the only 1332 items found when you search the word "gay"!!! So beyond the fact that (a) this methodology is beyond ridiculous to begin with and (b) even if the retailer is carrying gay books, your complaints are mean-spirited and offensive, there is also the fact that (c) your logic is WHOLLY DEFECTIVE! Following the line of reasoning that you keep putting forth, the retail giant has more of a gardening agenda than they do a homosexual one!!

We tell you all this because we care! For you see, opposition, we are living in very different times. Back in the days when you guys basically confined your messages to hard copy newsletters, Christian radio, and "The 700 Club," you could get away with passing off your unsound theories far more easily. But now, there are many of us watching and tracking the way you all operate. Since you all have declared a "culture war" against our lives and loves, we feel that we must monitor and challenge your every move. And when you make it so easy for us to show everyone your duplicity, it would seem to only work against you!

Alright, lecture adjourned. There are bagels and some lox out in the hallway, so please help yourself. What's that, Ms. Lafferty? What's lox? Oh, it's a food popular in Jewish culture. Okay then -- enjoy.
Activist says Wal-Mart still promoting homosexuality online [ONN]

**Oh, and as a clever reader points out:

"Don't forget the 1332 items includes all movies starring Marcia Gay Harden.

God Hates Flubber

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Your thoughts

2162 items found for “murder”; when is the retail giant going to come clean about its killing agenda? Lucky for (some) Christians that Angela Lansbury's TV series wasn't called "Gay, She Wrote."

Posted by: John C | Feb 8, 2007 1:10:30 PM

Has anyone done a search of WND or other similar Web sites to see what kind of homosexual agenda they have? I have a sneaking suspicion that WND has more of a "homosexual agenda" (by their definition) than the multinational retailer.

Posted by: Joel | Feb 8, 2007 5:10:23 PM

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