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04/02/2007

McMillan 'justifies' her F-weapon

by Jeremy Hooper

TerrygrooveSpeaking to New York magazine, author Terry McMillan justifies calling her gay ex-husband a "little fag" by saying:

I'm really getting tired of the fact that people get upset that I use the F-word to refer to Jonathan. It was the only weapon that I have. It offends me that gay men think they are above criticism. If you criticize them, you're automatically a homophobe; I'm starting to think they're heterophobes. I still see betrayal as betrayal. I don't care how long he's been in the closet; I didn't put him in there.

Uhm, Terry:

How Stella Got Her Groove Back doesn't pack nearly the same literary wallop as Waiting to Exhale: CRITICISM.

Disparaging a group of people by using the most offensive epithet available to deride that particular sect of the population: A WEE BIT HOMOPHOBIC

For you see, Ms. McMillan, you seem to be taking your husband's affair and gay revelation out on the gay community as a whole, which is both preposterous and disturbing. We're not being heterophobic by asking that you to please not paint gays as promiscuous and their lives as automatically deserving of criticism; we're being heterosexist-ophobic! Just like with any divorce in which lies and deception were involved, you surely and rightfully have questions. And that's fine -- question his betrayal with ferocity! But please drop the idea that since this situation is gay-based, that you have carte blanche to somehow hold the gay community accountable or to deride your husband on the basis of his now-revealed truth.

Ms. M, the only response you should offer regarding your use of the "F-word" is "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that!" Here's hoping you will apologize; however, we won't wait to exhale hold our breath

Terry McMillan Reminds You That Her Ex-Husband Is the One Harming Her Reputation [Daily Intelligencer]

***Keith Boykin has more.

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Your thoughts

She isn't calling all of us "fags" just her husbands. Personally she or anyone can call me anything they like, their words have absolutly so power over me. I know who I am and do not want or need their aproval.

Posted by: lee | Apr 2, 2007 4:35:44 PM

I feel this woman's pain. Losing your partner to someone else can never be nice - especially when it's someone not of your own sex. After all, it's a betrayal in a *big* way to have someone lie to you for so long about their attractions.

She had plenty of words to call him. She didn't need to use that one. She obviously knew it was offensive to more than just her ex-husband... She could have called him a liar, a philanderer, and a cheat.

And *then*, she could have altered her view to take in the society that forced him to lie so heavily... both to her and to himself. What sort of society is it, where a man is more willing to put a woman through this torment than admit that he prefers other men? How can the politics that aids and abets situations like this be justified?

She has a right to rage, but I think her target's a little bit out.

It isn't the gay community that gave her a closetted husband - it's her own heterosexist society.

Posted by: Anon | Apr 3, 2007 12:38:54 AM

Well said, anon. It's bizarre how those who are caught using the "F-word" -- a term so obviously offensive -- almost never come out and simply say, "I'm sorry, it was a horrible thing to say and I just got caught up in the moment." If they would, the heat would be taken off them considerably.

Posted by: G-A-Y | Apr 3, 2007 5:49:35 AM

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