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02/29/2008

Westboro's Bible? Less an inspiring guidebook, more a genocidal memoir

by Jeremy Hooper

Say what you want about the lil' "fag haters" at Westboro Baptist Church. Some may call them a cult. Others may refer to their pickets and whatnots as "batsh*t crazy." Certain fetishists might refer to them as damn sexy. One thing none of us should call them, however, is lazy.

Why do we say that? Well In a new 94 page document (Westboro pdf uploaded to our own server), the Phelps family has meticulously outlined every single instance (a whooping 136 of them) in which they found God to have killed or at least shunned a person or persons. In addition, they've detailed 701 passages that they say are proof of God's judgement. And they have also included this handy little chart, highlighting which of society's box of ills we should attribute to the man upstairs rather than to Pandora:

Picture 6-114
(click for full size)

Now, personally we're shocked to not see Restless Legs Syndrome on the list, as we always suspected that ailment was God's punishment for Dirty Dancing (both the act and the movie). But whatever -- Westboro probably just found it more advantageous to their cause to imply that millions of Jews were executed at the hand of God than it is to imply that the person who's kicking your airplane seat is doing so because a supreme being won't allow their limbs to remain at neutral position.

If you'd like to read more of Westboro's painstaking attempts to take the Bible from a tale of inspiration to the sort of horrific book that makes Stephen King look like Maya Angelou, then click the link below:

God Loves Everyone [Westboro pdf uploaded to our server]

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Your thoughts

Nursing homes and hypothermia??

Were these things picked by a dart board? There's no sense.

db

Posted by: dave b. | Feb 29, 2008 3:35:05 PM

document conferming why christianity and religion in general is dangerous and fucked up, and why we shouldn't "worship" gods).

I guess that puts to rest any quest as to what would lead them (and many others) to view the lives of others as less important.

Posted by: Patrick B | Feb 29, 2008 10:49:10 PM

Wow... God is so mean... Apparently he hates everyone, since everyone I know has suffered at least one of those "plagues".

Posted by: Cuir Vargas | Feb 29, 2008 10:56:47 PM

Depression? Diarrhea? ASTHMA!!?? Wow then I guess God doesn't love anyone. I mean, I'm sure they were trying to prove some twisted, weird point but that was the WRONG way to do it. Rofl.

Posted by: K | Mar 1, 2008 6:34:37 PM

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