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AFA's continued war on kisses, vowels

by Jeremy Hooper

Nukekissapril_2We've shown you how the American Family Association has been lashing out against "As The World Turns" for airing an episode in which two gay male characters, Noah and Luke, engaged in a smoochy doochy.  We've also pointed out how the "pro-family" group has been oddly honing in on the flawed idea that the on-screen couple's latest kiss was an "open mouth" one, as if the ajar lips were serving to indoctrinate just a few more kids than a closed mouth kiss would've done.  And every step along the course of bringing you this info, we've had to stop writing every few seconds so we could smack our head in exasperated frustration over the dirt the AFA is throwing at the CBS soap.

But now, believe it or not, the torch-wielding mob has actually managed to top themselves in their silly fight against the soap opera, the kiss, and its sponsor, Procter & Gamble.  How, you ask?  W-ll, g- r--d th-ir w-rds f-r y--rs-lf:

Following its support for the h-mos-xual agenda, Procter & Gamble established a toll-free number for people to register their opinions for or against P&G’s promotion of the g-y agenda, including open mouth kissing between g-ys. It gave a toll-free number which was heavily promoted on g-y Web sites for a week to give those favoring the promotion of h-mos-xuality an opportunity to call. Monday, after AFA had put out the word that P&G wanted to hear from AFA supporters, P&G abruptly ended it.

AFA is encouraging supporters to call P&G and ask the company why it is promoting the g-y lifestyle and why it quit using the toll-free number to receive opinions only after AFA notified AFA supporters about it. We urge you to spend a few cents to register your complaint with P&G. Here is P&G’s corporate number to call: 513-983-1100. (Please get others to call P&G at this number!)

P&G has added h-mos-xual lovers to its soap opera “As the World Turns.” The soap opera now includes scenes of h-mos-xuals with passionate open mouth kissing. The motive behind P&G’s push is to desensitize viewers, especially younger viewers, to the h-mos-xual lifestyle. The ultimate goal of h-mos-xual activists is h-mos-xual marriage.

Alright, so first off: The AFA has been attacking the Luke and Noah hookup ("Nuke," as fans call it) for months.  They issued an "action alert" against the coupling well before the boys' latest kiss even aired.  In both the pre- and post-kiss initiatives, they've not only asked people to join their collective email blasts to Procter & Gamble corporate, but they have also instructed consumers to sort through the products in their home and call the toll free numbers associated with each individual P&G product.  And as for this latest toll free number?  Well it was all over the web, fresh for anyone's eyes.  So the idea that the channels of communication were somehow hidden from their view is laughable at best, enragingly offensive at worst.  After all, they are the ones who have been forcing P&G executives to curse the very nature of human communication, not us!

But looking past their typical hypocrisy, can we talk for a second about their infantile choice to remove the vowels from any word implying homo-gayness?!  Seriously, that's like a strategy our five-year-old nephew would use if he were wanting to reminisce about argumentative tactics that he used in his younger years.  What point does it serve?!  And why do the consonants get a pass?  Personally we always found "g" to be FAR swishier that "u"!

But then again, this is the AFA we're talking about.  Perhaps we should be glad that they're only protesting our usage of certain vowels and toll free numbers, and not our employment of toll free oxygen.

Procter & Gamble heard from the g-ys, then changed its rules [AFA]

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Your thoughts

I think it is a good thing that they are conserving on vowels. Maybe the recession will cause them to consider more cutbacks? Soon then may need to issue only one "action alert" per month . . . and then maybe even start conserving on consonants and maybe shorten their paragraphs as well!

Posted by: Dick Mills | May 11, 2008 10:58:11 PM

This is just too funny. Between these guys, LaBarbera, Matt Barber and CWFA, and "Doctor" Throckmorton here lately, it's like one big episode of Retards Gone Wild.

It's perfectly fine to be immature here & there (as long as it's all in good fun), but this is just bewildering. These guys try to come across as the allmighty "christians", but in reality, they're more like the kids downstairs, in the Sunday School daycare!

Posted by: Scott | May 12, 2008 2:26:18 AM


I can't get past that. May we fill in the vowels of our choosing? Might a hamosoxual be a person who puts footwear on pigs? Does a humosexual hum during sex? Could a hemosexual shorten pants as foreplay? Is a himosaxual a male who plays a saxophone? Well, at least the mo is untouched, but why is the first "o" more offensive than the second "o"?

I must disagree about the "g" and "u'. I was raised in the South, and my husband is more than willing to point out that all my vowels are swishier than my consonants.

Posted by: Mike in the Tundra | May 12, 2008 7:32:44 AM

Honestly, they're probably trying to get it around filters. The AFA markets some sort of crazy computer filter which censors not only adult websites, but also any website that endorses "alternative lifestyles". They're probably just making sure that EVERYONE can see their ridiculous complaints.

Posted by: Emmy | May 12, 2008 10:34:19 AM

Interesting thought, Emmy.

Whatever the reason, it is a new development on the AFA landscape. We've seen others write it this way before, but never the AFA.

Posted by: G-A-Y | May 12, 2008 10:37:51 AM

This is bizarre. With that filter, they've effectively sensored their own ability to write certain words? You would think the filter would allow their own site to come up.

Posted by: larry | May 12, 2008 1:22:08 PM

When I first saw the post, I thought lightning had struck and the AFA had a change of heart.

You see, I have many Orthodox Jewish friends and one of their precepts is that the name of G-d is too holy to be said or written and so they write G-d as I did here with the vowel removed.

I thought the AFA had determined that the G-ys are truly in the image of G-d and felt that G-y was too sacred a term to be uttered by their lips or their keyboards!


Posted by: Ed | May 12, 2008 1:40:50 PM

I suspect that P&G shut down the phone number because there were ten old bitties from AFA in a room somewhere repeatedly calling the number in an attempt to skew the results. "Essie, if it's busy, just hit redial . . . and put your teeth back in - we don't need to see that!"

Probably the same ones who stacked the votes for Ruben Studdard in order to keep Gayken from winning.

Posted by: Dick Mills | May 12, 2008 2:15:17 PM

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