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Because we need a new way to talk about this mangy issue

by Jeremy Hooper

When this writer was in college, there was cat who lived next door to my rented house. Now, I'm a HUGE animal lover who quite literally cannot and will not kill a fly. However, this was not just any cat -- this was a very mean cat who seemed to declare war on my life. A cat who liked to scratch things that were not made for scratching (e.g. my bed spread) and use the restroom in places that were not designated for such purposes (e.g. on my art project). A cat that would scare the loving bejeesus out of me when I came home at three o'clock in the morning, fresh from a night of -- studying.

While I never once invited this kitty into my world, and essentially took an "I don't bother you, you don't bother me" approach to the pussy (double entendre absolutely intended), the wild lil' booger would climb in uninvited through my window or some other opening (remember it was a rented college house -- construction issues abounded) and make himself at home in my world. I'd shoo him out the door, and he'd somehow find his way back in. It was as if he had a personal vendetta against letting me live my life in peace. Frankly, it sucked (un-neutered) balls.

Now, his determination would've been somewhat admirable if he was respectful of his temporary hangout. However, that was simply was not the case. He was a recurring headache. And even though I, the bigger of the two, would always succeed in sending him back to where he came from, his pervasive presence forced me to waste far too much time dealing with his sh*t (literally and figuratively). Also, I found it troubling that his custodians had no apparent concern for those who might be hurt by their baby's wild and untamed nature. Couldn't they see that the pet they were fostering was negatively affecting the lives of others?!

So why do I tell you all this? Well, because the legislative version of that damn cat has reared its head once again:

Ga. Republican to introduce federal amendment to ban gay marriage [Wash Blade]
U.S. Rep. Paul Broun (R-Ga.) said he plans to introduce the amendment

HEY, HEY, HEY -- My bedroom is not for pissing on! Oh, and find a litter box for your crap! The House floor is no place for your noxious droppings!

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Your thoughts

Probably another closet-case just overcompensating and unaware that overcompensating is just drawing more attention to himself.

Posted by: Dick Mills | May 21, 2008 7:25:22 PM

It seems ironic that you would use the phrase 'it sucked balls' to describe an unpleasant circumstance. This phrase is very similar to 'I f*cked that test in the ass,' or 'That test totally f*cked me in the ass,' all of which which are suggestive of homosexual activity (usually because they are used by males). If you think critically of these phrases one can see that homosexuality is positioned in a way to be dominated and looked down upon. 'It' in the phrase 'it sucked balls' refers to an unfortunate circumstance yet implicitly 'it' takes the position of the dominated or the homosexual. Similarly, in the other phrases, either the test taker or the test takes the position of the 'f*cker' and the other subject assumes the dominated/inferior or homosexual role.

What if a homosexual or heterosexual enjoys sucking on balls? Perhaps he/she feel the need to hide this pleasure since it is so oftenly used in a negative sense.

That is all.

Posted by: Brrrice | May 21, 2008 9:23:25 PM

It would probably have zero chance of passing, but it's simply enraging that this guy feels free to target gay people for discrimination just because it might get him votes.

I'd love to see the tables turned. "Constitutional Amendment passed outlawing gray haired men".

It would be just as logical.

I shouldn't attack the person, as you've said, Jeremy, but this one one I'd just like to grab and shake and yell, THEY'RE EVERYONE'S RIGHTS, NOT JUST YOURS.


Posted by: dave b | May 21, 2008 9:51:14 PM

Brrice: I don's say this often or lightly, but I think you are being way too oversensitive about this tiny throwaway line. I hear what you are saying. But the usage is not ironic, nor is it homo-specific -- it was just another way of saying "it sucks,' but with throwing in cat reference with the "un-neutered" word.

And for the record, I both enjoy and excel at sucking on my partner's testicles.

Posted by: G-A-Y | May 21, 2008 10:26:11 PM

What a douche bag this guy seems to be. Not just the federal marriage amendment bullshit, but his sponsoring of a bill stating that human life begins at fertilization. Does this mean if a woman miscarries, she's a murderer?

Posted by: johnozed | May 22, 2008 10:28:43 AM

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