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Clear your schedules, gays

by Jeremy Hooper

 Good As You Images  Good As You Images Picture-32-3-1Responding to the newly enacted California marriages, "pro-family" personality Phil Magnan (pic.) has the following prediction about gay activists:

"They will not be satisfied until they have sodomized the entire culture, including the family, schools and even the church which should be a safe haven for children, not hedonistic indoctrination camps."

Alright, first off: The writing is sloppy. The "which should be a..." part should probably be separated off as a parenthetical element. The way it is now, it's confusing as to whether "hedonistic indoctrination camps" is referring just to the church, or both churches and schools. If it's just the church, then "camp" should be singular. If it's both church and school, then "safe haven" should be pluralized.

But poor syntax aside: How would we gays even have the time to "sodomize" the entire culture? Speaking for myself personally: I have an eye doctor's appointment this evening, want to cook some tempeh sandwiches and roasted brussels sprouts after that, have a few movies I want to watch after dinner, and then I need to get to bed at a reasonable hour so that I can get up for the gym at 5:30AM. Hell, I'm not even sure I'll be able to engage in a little "sodomy" with my partner, much less the totality of society!!

And I can't imagine that I'm alone in my overbooked existence. We gays are a busy people. So forget the fact that it's offensive, mindless, persecutory, demonizing, hostile, and just plain dumb. From a purely logistical standpoint, Mr. Magnan's prediction of global sodomy seems way off-the-mark!

If you're reading this, Phil, let us know how you expect us to accomplish this goal. Color us stumped!

California Same Sex Marriage, Court Mandated Sin Against God [Christian Newswire]

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Your thoughts

This guy needs to take his medications and face the fact that "hedonistic indoctrination camps" would be more along the lines of Sunday school, summer bible camps, and other church-related functions.

Even if I were a straight person with kids, no fucking way would I allow my kids to be alone with some youth pastor or church leader.

And as for schools being a "safe haven" for children.....this isn't the 1960's. The days of Beaver Cleaver are dead, get over it.

Posted by: Scott | Jun 17, 2008 1:43:43 PM

We all seen the activist religious person who goes door-to-door handing out pamplets and trying to convert others to their belief -- when they project on us that we are forcing our lifestyles on them they have it so backwards!

Posted by: Roxie | Jun 17, 2008 2:24:07 PM

"The 'which should be a...' part should probably be separated off as a parenthetical element. The way it is now, it's confusing as to whether 'hedonistic indoctrination camps"\' is referring just to the church, or both churches and schools. If it's just the church, then 'camp' should be singular. If it's both church and school, then 'safe haven' should be pluralized."

Well, I'm, just totally turned on. Of course, if my brain had a full blood supply, I wouldn't have ended that sentence with a preposition. A proposition would have made more sense.

Posted by: Mike in the Tundra | Jun 17, 2008 2:24:43 PM

Oh, boring...everything they say has gotten so tiresome and boring.

Like those kids that push the same button over and over...

Posted by: Evan | Jun 17, 2008 2:55:02 PM

Phil Magnan, President, Biblical Family Advocates. "Biblical Family" now that is something to aspire to. From the fratricide of Adam and Eve's offspring, to the beating / leaving for dead / selling into slavery of Abraham's son at the hands of his siblings, to incest where Abraham married his half sister Sarah, to polygamy . . . Oh, bring back the good old days!

Posted by: Dick Mills | Jun 17, 2008 4:28:30 PM

WAIT I want to know what stumping is... sounds really kinky!!

Posted by: LOrion | Jun 17, 2008 10:57:24 PM

LOL, this reminds me of the "Gay Agenda" joke that's been circulating:

6:00 am Gym
8:00 am Breakfast (oatmeal and egg whites)
9:00 am Hair appointment
10:00 am Shopping
12:00 PM Brunch

2:00 PM
1) Assume complete control of the U.S. Federal, State and Local Governments as well as all other national governments,
2) Recruit all straight youngsters to our debauched lifestyle,
3) Destroy all healthy heterosexual marriages,
4) Replace all school counselors in grades K-12 with agents of Colombian and Jamaican drug cartels,
5) Establish planetary chain of homo breeding gulags where over-medicated imprisoned straight women are turned into artificially impregnated baby factories to produce prepubescent love slaves for our devotedly pederastic gay leadership,
6) bulldoze all houses of worship, and
7) Secure total control of the INTERNET and all mass media for the exclusive use of child pornographers.

2:30 PM Get forty winks of beauty rest to prevent facial wrinkles from stress of world conquest
4:00 PM Cocktails
6:00 PM Light Dinner (soup, salad, with Chardonnay)
8:00 PM Theater
11:00 PM Bed (du jour)"

Posted by: Jake | Jun 18, 2008 1:44:05 PM

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