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06/27/2008

Larry/David: Curb Gays' Marital Enthusiasm

by Jeremy Hooper

So at the bottom of this post, we have a link to the story referenced in the headline. But first, we just thought of a story we want to share. Stop us if you've heard this one:

Two nameless men, both of whom have been accused of extramarital activity that goes against their self-professed roles as "family values" guys, walk into a Senate chamber. One man says to the other, "Hey, you know what would be fun? If we team up to co-sponsor a measure that's designed to 'protect the sanctity of marriage.'" The second guy replies, "Cool, I'm in!" So the two start walking (with wide stances) towards the bill's chief sponsor to tell them the good news.

On the way to the sponsor's office (and after stopping at a bathroom stall for...relief), one of the men stops dead in his tracks, and in the most "Eurkea!-like" moments of clarity, yells, "Wait a minute! Won't this look silly at best, hypocritical at worst? I mean the reason why our names are so well known is because of our alleged ::wink, wink:: indiscretions? Couldn't this hurt our side's credibility a little bit? Especially in this rapidly changing political world?"

The second man quickly grabs the first guy by the shoulders, looks him square in the eyes, and sternly says, "Dude. Relax. Just clam down!" At this point the second guy pulls an ID card out of his pocket and asks the first, "Now tell me, what does this say?" The first man looks up and meekly replies, "Right wing of the Republican Party." The second man continues, "Okay, and what do we so expertly and cleverly do with hypocrisy on the far right side of the Republican Party?" To which the first guy, with a relaxed and easy smile now coming over his face, self-assuredly blurts out, "REDEMPTION! We rebrand it as redemption! We just say some stuff about the lord healing our heart and then we never again talk about the bad stuff we did. And then we take a holier-than-thou approach and preach 'pro-family' virtues, regardless of whether or not we've actually followed them ourselves ::sigh:: How could I have forgotten guiding tenet #442?!"

The first guy smiles at the second and in a brotherly fashion says, "It's okay, you knucklehead. We all have our moments of clarity that must be pushed aside in favor of political strategy. Now come on, you -- we've got to go get our name on this gay ban. After all, some of your former lovers might wanna marry their partners, and we CANNOT have that!"

"No we CANNOT," laughs the first guy. "Oh hey, that reminds me -- here's that change for a one hundred dollar bill you needed. What's that for anyway -- did you need to tip the girl who delivers your lunch?"

Second guy: "Huh? What? Uhm...oh yea, lunch. Lunch. Yea, that's what she delivers. Lunch.... .... ... Hey, so, nice weather today, huh?"

vitter-craigOh yea, that link. Almost forgot:

Sens. Larry Craig and David Vitter co-sponsor Marriage Protection Amendment [P1Q]

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Your thoughts

Only in America.

Posted by: stojef | Jun 27, 2008 3:28:29 PM

They didn't have a clue on PHB how it happened...so I sent them your 'report.'

Posted by: LOrion | Jun 27, 2008 4:13:07 PM

:-) thanks.

Posted by: G-A-Y | Jun 27, 2008 4:19:15 PM

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