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06/11/2008

Your 'enemies' ain't the only ones laughing, Ms. James

by Jeremy Hooper

The best we can discern, this person is tired of paying too much to fill up her gay, and so she wants people with gas to seek a cure for their ailment (which apparently can be found in the closet). See if you can make any more sense of it:

Picture 25-16

Gay marriage is sinful [Modesto Bee]

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Your thoughts

This isn't good. It just isn't good. I understand her. Obviously, she's trying to say what the folks at Westboro say. They just say it a little clearer, and that should worry her. Of course, she should be standing outside of gay stations with a sign that says, "God hates fags." I guess that should be, "God hates the things that fags do."

Posted by: Mike in the Tundra | Jun 11, 2008 12:37:06 PM

Er, my first post should say "gas station", not "gay station". Back in my youth, I looked for gay stations and never found them. Although, there was that certain beach on the Mississippi River.

Posted by: Mike in the Tundra | Jun 11, 2008 12:59:27 PM

It makes perfect sense to me, Jeremy. I’m not sure what your problem is. Pull your head out of reality for a minute and let me explain.

I bake. In fact much of my income comes from my baking business. Well, as you may or may not know, the price of flour has gone through the roof in the past several months. Given the fact that many of my recipes call for flour I had no choice but to increase the prices of my product. I cannot possibly absorb the cost without a price increase.

So the other day, while opening a bag of King Arthur, I began to try and figure out why flour was so expensive. And while I was sifting the KA, God himself spoke to me through a cloud of flour dust and this is what he said. “It’s the orange growers. They are the ones that are destroying your business from within”.

By God, he was right! I know this makes no sense to you but that's because you are a heathen. The citrus growers of America are causing the price of flour to increase which in turn is causing my business to suffer.

Now I what you are thinking. Sure, I could try to find alternatives to flour. Perhaps use less flour and find a substitute. Maybe even find recipes that don’t call for flour at all. But those are all reality based solutions. Bakers, such as myself, do not live in the reality based world.

Instead I am going to write to people. People who will print what I write simply because I write them and tell them that the American citrus growers are to blame for the sudden rise in flour prices. And also that the flour manufacturers the world over are laughing at me every time I purchase a bag of bleached and unbleached, self rising and whole wheat.

Now if you’ll excuse me I need to get on my knees and pray that God will smite the citrus growers and also pray that America will see citrus growers for what they really are: BAKER HATERS!

Incidentally, my new website, Americans for Fruit…(just not Citrus fruit) will be up shortly.

Posted by: Jon-Marc | Jun 11, 2008 1:01:46 PM

This Lisa James sounds like one of those worthless German peasants who several decades ago believed the Jews were the cause of all of her problems, and the root of every single problem on earth.

The only difference is she's a worthless American peasant in 2008. It's a shame the wench is that damned miserable.

Posted by: Scott | Jun 11, 2008 2:00:49 PM

Omigod, don't miss the comments section. The local gays are MEAN:

"Hey Lisa,
Don't like same-sex marriage? Ok. Don't have one. Duh. Keep your religion to yourself. You have freedom to practice, not freedom to persecute and blame. You really think gays are at fault for oil prices? Hmmm. I don't think so - we're using water-based."

Hahaha loves it.

Posted by: Evan | Jun 11, 2008 2:38:51 PM

Nothing mean about that, I think it is right on and hysterical. I am glad there are comments like this. You know Modesto is just 'up the road' from Bakersfield, where the
POLICE do have orders to stop all weddings in the county building.. and even prevent entry by ordained ministers. Talk about GESTAPO... we got'em folks.

Posted by: LOrion | Jun 11, 2008 4:19:35 PM

The fact that this article makes no sense is what makes it so easy to analyze. She honestly doesn't even think that homosexuality and terrorism are disconnected, just sees them both as a danger to her beliefs and way of life. If gay marriage wasn't the issue of the day, I'm sure atheists and "libruls" could be substituted for gays just as easily. I'm sure this woman heard Sally Kern's words and became an instant fan.

Posted by: paul | Jun 11, 2008 5:17:20 PM

Well Paul, that's because the far-right has cultivated an atmosphere wherein the feel it proper and even appropriate to lump gay rights in with any ill, ailment, problem, disease, threat, or temperature spike to hit the nation. I don't think they even realize it anymore. Many of their minds have made an unbreakable connection between "gay" and "evil."

Posted by: G-A-Y | Jun 11, 2008 5:24:12 PM

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