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07/02/2008

AFA & Mickey D's: What's their beef?

by Jeremy Hooper

The American Family Association, the anti-gay group that's currently burning up the news for changing the "Gay"-ness of various athletes, yesterday sent this announcement to everyone on their email list:

Picture 26-14

Now, considering the "pro-family" group has been lashing out against the fast food emporium because one of the company's executives, Richard Ellis, is supporting the National Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce (NGLCC), we can't help but believe this announcement will have something to do with the company's perceived gay-friendliness. But what, exactly, is the AFA cooking up? Well we have some possibilities:

-They'll demand that the sexually ambiguous Ronald McDonald find himself a wife.

-Due to their disdain for lesbian relations, the AFA will coerce McDonald's into disallowing customers from having more than one egg on their breakfast sandwich. This also might be expanded to prevent two link sausages from being served in a way in which they rub up against one another.
Hamburglar-1-They will announce that the Hamburglar has left Mickey D's to join the AFA, where he will adapt his expertise is pilfering hamburgers to the "pro-family" goal of robbing gay rights.
-They will express frustration with the company for not presenting more suitable vegetarian options. Oh no, wait a minute -- that's actually our "beef" with the chain.

-They want Happy Meal toys to be replaced with gold, frankincense and myrrh

-The AFA will extend their refusal to "catch up" with the times, demanding that the company issue a sweeping ban on ketchup.

-New rule: A male customer will no longer be able to accept a Big Mac into his mouth. For men, the name of the product must be changed to "Big Mikayla." And even then, the man and his female-specific burger must pledge a commitment before getting intimate.

-They'll demand that the verbose phrase, "...and thank you for also choosing heterosexuality. Because sexuality is a choice, you know. It doesn't matter what science or anything else says. Our minds are made up on this topic, end of discussion!" be added to the popular "Thank you for choosing McDonald's" greeting.

We'll have to wait until tomorrow to see which of our possibilities the AFA chooses to embrace. Though knowing what we know about the AFA's track record, it's quite possible that our predictions are not nearly extreme enough.

**UPDATE, 7/3: The announcement has been made: AFA: Now trying to tarnish Golden Arches [G-A-Y]

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Your thoughts

Hi, Jeremy

You started my day with a great belly laugh with the AFA McDonald blog - thank you so much for that. This is why you write this great blog and I don't - I suppose I could have come up with a humorous twist but nothing this elaborate or wonderful. Thanks for who you are Jeremy.

Posted by: tom | Jul 2, 2008 10:24:18 AM

I'm guessing the message is going to be another BS pronouncement that McDonald's has agreed to stop funding the homosexual agenda. McDonald's will reply that they have no idea what AFA is talking about (which is probably true) then the AFA will scream bloody murder that that McDonald's went back on its promise. This will soon be followed by a boycott. Just another ploy to get their name out there and make some money.

I'm guessing bumper stickers and "Save America's Burgers" pins will be sold on the AFA website.

Posted by: stojef | Jul 2, 2008 10:59:43 AM

Perhaps they will be blasting McD's for making the fundies so fat that even Jenny Craig can't help them now.

Posted by: keltic | Jul 2, 2008 12:34:33 PM

Would you like straight sex with that?

Posted by: Loki | Jul 2, 2008 12:43:13 PM

"New rule: A male customer will no longer be able to accept a Big Mac into his mouth. For men, the name of the product must be changed to "Big Mikayla." And even then, the man and his female-specific burger must pledge a commitment before getting intimate. "

Ha! I'm pretty sure I snorted diet Coke when I read that! Very funny...very funny indeed :)

Posted by: Amanda | Jul 2, 2008 5:53:05 PM

This is a great send-up of those bigots! You made my day! Like anyone cares about what the AFA thinks. Just for that, I'm gonna go to McDonald's and order myself a Big Mac and fries.

Posted by: Ioan | Jul 9, 2008 7:02:44 PM

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