Big Matt attack
While employed at the Concerned Women For America, Matt Barber was best known for writing commentaries so linguistically exaggerated, they made Aesop's fables seem like court transcripts in comparison. So when he fled to pastures more Liberty Counsel-ier, we were fearful that we'd never again see the sort of piece that could make us simultaneously double over in laughter and smack our head in frustration. Like a junkie whose dealer moves away, we immediately went into a deep state of anxiety over the possibility that our Barber-penned drugs were going bye bye.
Well fellow jonesers for the cracks that Matt peddles, we can all rest a little more easily. For via that bastion of fine journalism known as WorldNetDaily, we now know that the over-the-top, attack word-filled commentaries of one J. Matt Barber are one "culture war" element that have yet to run their course. He has penned a piece on the McDonald's boycott that is just as dramatized, just as off-base, just as San Francisco-bashing as anything this man has ever written.
Here's but a small section of what Matt has to say:
Unfortunately, the radical San Francisco-style policies both the NGLCC and McDonald's advocate run directly counter to the best interests of the vast majority of Americans outside California's "Sodom on the Bay." For example, under communist-tested, McDonald's-approved "hate speech" legislation, such as the so-called Employment Non-Discrimination Act, Christians and other business owners with traditional values would be forced – under penalty of law – to abandon sincerely held religious beliefs and adopt McDonald's own secular-humanist, moral-relativist view of right and wrong. In many cases, business owners would be persecuted, even if the business in question were expressly faith-based. This pits the government directly against the free exercise of religion and, for that reason, is unconstitutional on its face.
If you take time to write McDonald's and inquire as to why the company has betrayed a majority percentage of its customers, you'll get a condescending, cutesy and self-aggrandizing form letter that takes about 350 words to say absolutely nothing. It's built upon euphemistic talking points, spoon-fed by homosexual activist pressure groups such as the NGLCC and the anti-Christian "Human Rights Campaign". It goes a little like this: "At McDonald's we respect and value everyone … blah, blah, blah … Diversity … blah, blah … Inclusion … yada, yada … We have a long and proud history of leadership … blah, blah, (gag!)" You know the drill.
[::deep inhale, gurgle gurgle::] This is some gooood shit! [::cough, cough::]
And now that I'm successfully high on hyperbole, everybody sing with me:
If you're going to Sodom on the Bay
Be sure to wear some flowers in your hair
If you're going to Sodom on the Bay
You're gonna meet some gentle people there
For those who come to Sodom on the Bay
Summertime will be a love-in there
In the streets of Sodom on the Bay
Gentle people with flowers in their hair
Gotta love those classics, man!
**Two more points from Matt's piece:
(1) Matt accuses McDonald's of being unfair amidst claim that "when you're getting your tail whipped, you lob personal attacks." It bears repeating that McDonald's is not getting "whipped." AT ALL. Their stock has been up since the day of the boycott (July 7).
(2) Matt says of the McDonald's founder, "I suspect if the king of burgers were alive today, McDonald's founder Ray Kroc would be some kind of flame-broilin' ticked-off." Only problem with Matt's prediction? The Krocs seem like they were more supportive of liberal causes, not conservative ones. Here, read Joan Kroc's obit.
Is Matt Barber married (to a woman)?
Posted by: larry | Jul 29, 2008 5:29:45 PM
Pass that bong, Jeremy! A bitch needs to get stoned to fully appreciate Matt's hallucinations in writing.
PS: Why is it called "Matt Barber's Greatest Hits"? Like Tiffany's so-called 'Greatest Hits' collection, there's only like ONE actual hit, and the other 15 tracks are nothing but filler.
Posted by: Scott | Jul 29, 2008 5:32:01 PM
Someone from a law school hired Matt? Forget what Barber is on, what was the human resource department on?
Posted by: Patrick B | Jul 29, 2008 5:40:07 PM
He also doesn't seem to know anything about communism. Is there a record of any communist society ever embracing homosexual equality at all?
Posted by: Jason D | Jul 29, 2008 6:00:26 PM
I just wonder what it must be like to be the spouse of Matt Barber; a man who is literally fixated and obsessed with the gays. I had a relationship once with a guy who was similarly obsessed with religion, and it wasn't pretty.
Posted by: larry | Jul 29, 2008 6:00:55 PM
Matt is always so good for a chuckle.
(but Kroc actually was conservative, I believe. It wasn't until he died that his widow started funding more liberal efforts)
Posted by: Timothy | Jul 29, 2008 6:46:07 PM
Larry - the same can be said about Peter LaBarbera's wife. I would love to hear what she thinks about Peter's "profession" - straight up from her, and without any interjections or commentary from him.
I'd also like to know if she has to help him keep his gay pornography locked away from the kids, or does he have his own "private viewing" room in the basement? LOL
Speaking of MacDonald's, that's where I just picked up dinner tonight (it's too hot, and I don't feel like cooking LOL).
Posted by: Scott | Jul 29, 2008 6:47:46 PM
I love the mocking of the terms inclusion and diversity. Especially considering that the fundies scream that they do respect everyone. Right!
Posted by: Patrick | Jul 29, 2008 6:57:28 PM
Has Matt lost any weight since his "fasting" (boycotting) began? Maybe he's been able to squeeze in an early morning run now in place of the cholesterol-laden Egg McMuffin breakfast. You would think it would be showin' by now, though.
Posted by: Dick Mills | Jul 29, 2008 7:07:43 PM
Matt totally ripped off the "blah blah blah something-perfectly-legitimate blah blah blah" routine from my repertoire of dry humor.
Posted by: zortnac | Jul 29, 2008 7:34:02 PM
JH you forgot the Rings on their Fingers... as well as their noses and toses...etc.
Posted by: LOrion | Jul 29, 2008 8:02:55 PM
I can't believe this leapt up at me amidst all the other stupidity, but "flame-broilin' ticked-off"?
Um, the fast-foodery that "flame-broils," and touts it when not bringing out scary characters in oversized foam suits, would be *Burger King*. Way to charm the McDonald's executives, Matt!!!
If WorldNutDaily and the Liberty-For-Us-Only Counsel weren't paying him, some savvy L, G, B, and/or T person would almost *have* to.
Posted by: GreenEyedLilo | Jul 29, 2008 9:14:01 PM
Matt and Peter - these two are probably rubbing their penis's together in a dark closet. Look at that girly look on Matty's face.
By the way, Matt Barber is an ex-gay (don't they all get obnoxious like this, and almost a pride that they are no longer living the lifestyle?)....
Anyway, I thought myself that after he left Ms. Wendy at cwfa.org that we wouldn't hear from him for a while, but now here he is. Must have taken him a couple of days to compose this ridiculous piece of crap.
Thanks for sharing.
Posted by: Bright eyes | Jul 29, 2008 10:29:06 PM
"By the way, Matt Barber is an ex-gay (don't they all get obnoxious like this, and almost a pride that they are no longer living the lifestyle?)"
Matt's an "ex-gay"?
That's not a surprise, beings he obsesses over dicks like he's talking about a Quarter Pounder.
And we all know "ex-gays" are lying when they say they've "left the gay lifestyle", when they make their sole living by talking about homosex nonstop - like Matt Barber.
Posted by: Scott | Jul 30, 2008 12:12:46 PM
I believe the "ex-gay" thing is just a rumor. It certainly has never been verified. Plus, I've heard that about almost every single male on the other side.
Posted by: G-A-Y | Jul 30, 2008 12:48:41 PMcomments powered by Disqus