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09/22/2008

'Ex-gay' doing what 'ex-gays' do best: Talking up a good game

by Jeremy Hooper

Have you ever worked at a job where you had to attend corporate seminars? You know, the kind with Powerpoint presentations about teamwork are the order of the day? The kind where the speakers mix wit and frankness into their speeches as a way to make you, the employee, leave convinced that your company is a humanistic arm of good rather than a big, dehumanizing corporate machine? Have a mental image of what we're talking about?

Well now imagine that your corporation is Gays Can Change Incorporated, a machine whose sole goal is to position a thoroughly unscientific, harmful, baseless concept as if it is truth. We think their corporate pep rally might look something like this, a testimony that professional "ex-gay" Mike Haley recently gave at San Jose, California's Freedom Worship Center:

Only problem for Mr. Haley? Biological truth doesn't need a seminar. Attraction doesn't need a flow chart. Studies like the ones he cites in order to "prove" that homosexuality is not inborn do not need the spin jobs that he's placed on their supposed "failure." And homosexuality? It don't need no stinkin' fixin'!

Mike Haley's Testimony [YouTube]

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Your thoughts

Mike Haley was never gay. Bisexual, most likely.

He was a "former prostitute" - and prostitutes have no sexual orientation. They'll do it with anyone, anywhere, anytime, any place - as long as the price is right.

And obviously the price was right with Exodus. Pretty much, Mike Haley is STILL a prostitute.

Unlike Haley's version of "being homosexual", real gay people don't go running around and flagging down cars for clientele. If homosexuals want a drink or drug of their choice, they don't have to hop in a car with some stranger and polish off their cock to afford it.

It must be nice to have your lazy cooze scraped off the streets, so you can preach about being "formerly homosexual", when you were never homosexual to begin with.

Posted by: Scott | Sep 22, 2008 12:50:42 PM

Gee thanks, but I really wasn't prepared to listen to this guy during the morning hours. I had a few reactions to the clip.

1. I really think I would rather die of thirst than accept a bottle of water from a booth of ex-gays.

2. I guess I did have a choice. I could have married a woman who I respected and loved like a sister, or I could live with the snoring machine and raise our two wonderful children. Of course, my love for the snoring machine couldn't really be called brotherly.

3. I really don't care why I am gay. It seems right to me. If there were a magic pill to make me straight, I wouldn't take it. I would lose too much such as my husband, my children, my friends, and my self identity.

4. I really will do as Jesus said I should do when it comes to homosexuality. He's God and he must be right. The only problem is he said nothing about homosexuality. I guess he forgot, but it really doesn't make sense that God would forget unless he wanted to. Jesus had plenty to say against divorce, so it's really amazing that so many anti-gay churches have no problem with divorce. They must worship a different God than I do. Their God is sort of a bungler. Remember they are the ones that said God made AIDS to punish gays. You would think he would have made AIDS to only attack gays and not heterosexuals and innocent children. My God is much better than that.

Posted by: Mike in the Tundra | Sep 22, 2008 1:05:47 PM

I especially liked the part where the crowd cheered when Mike was talking about his stalker "Jeff".

Also, could someone extract just the audio of the camera-guy? It would make for a great porn soundtrack

Oh, and the star pinatas were a nice touch

Posted by: Jon-Marc | Sep 22, 2008 2:49:39 PM

No one, I repeat, NO ONE has worn their collar outside their sport coat since the early 50s!!!! Obviously the guy's not gay or he'd have known that.

Posted by: Bill Herrmann | Sep 22, 2008 3:07:36 PM

"when Mike was talking about his stalker "Jeff"."

Don't "former crackheads" and "former meth-heads" have flashbacks and/or hallucinations, even after they quit frying their brains out?

That's probably the case with Mike.

Either that, or it's self-flattery. I don't even think Peter LaBarbera would waste any film on him, towel on or off. He ain't cute, much less stalkable.

Posted by: Scott | Sep 22, 2008 4:04:36 PM

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