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02/23/2009

You're going to HelL.A.: Shirl reflects on magical Oscars night

by Jeremy Hooper

Shirley-Phelps-Roper-Westboro-BaptistShirley Phelps-Roper has given this writer more info regarding her family's Oscar night protest, as well as Sean Penn's shout out to the same. Enjoy:

Hi Jeremy –

I love it when the dummy has to rewrite his whole speech to make it fit with the facts on the ground. It didn’t escape our notice that since Prop 8 in CA passed that the perverts of Hollywood have begun to climb on our backs with their advertising campaigns (at least two can be seen on the internet) to try and promote their agenda. It goes like this – see these people saying things that you HATE – well – if you don’t let the fags marry, this is what is going to take over the country. Or perhaps it is – if you don’t agree with giving the keys to the nation over to the fags, you are one of them.

There is a wonderful coming together of events that made it the perfect time for our signs to become very present before the faces of the Hollywood rebels, to wit:

1. Heath Ledger being offered up AGAIN to worship his dead and in hell, rotting carcass.
2. The Harvey Milk production being the perfect cause de jour of Doomed american shame for the Oscars event.
3. The UK banning us from their borders.
4. Kevin Smith (?) getting his Red State program underway.

So we got over there and put the signs in the air. You would have been proud Jeremy – we found the very best place to stand. We scoped it out last year – it is the place where EVERY vehicle that would enter into that even MUST pass. YAY!! So when Sean Penn spoke of seeing us and our signs – it resonated with every single brute sitting in that room! YAY!!

With the appearance of Antichrist Obama into the Whitehouse, the time is short – we are sprinting to the end now, so events must come on apace. Hold onto your hat Jeremy – this thing is going to get VERY interesting!

Thanks!

Shirley
2/23/09

Interesting.

But of course she failed to answer the one question that's on all of our minds. That is: Was she happy with Chris Dickens' achievement in Film Editing win? That's the only reason why we wrote her in the first place. Not sure what all this "blah, blah, 'fags,' hell, blah blah" nonsense is all about.

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Your thoughts

The more important question is "Who was she wearing?" Yves St. Laraun? Gucci? Guess? Hanes?

Posted by: Daimeon | Feb 23, 2009 5:42:11 PM

Batshíte Insanité

Posted by: andy | Feb 23, 2009 5:56:07 PM

Batshíte Insanité

Posted by: andy | Feb 23, 2009 5:56:42 PM

Shirley never fails to entertain.

Posted by: Mike in the Tundra | Feb 23, 2009 6:14:01 PM

Shirley's words have, at this point, I think, become about as shocking or surprising as a period piece taking best costume design.

Posted by: zortnac | Feb 23, 2009 6:18:50 PM

Agreed, zortnac. But i still enjoy her spunk.

Posted by: G-A-Y | Feb 23, 2009 6:21:30 PM

I keep wondering who is funding the exploits of these nuts. Is it possible that enough members of the Phelps clan have real jobs, and they are funding the travels of Shirley and her entourage? Or is it possible they have supporters across the country?

Actually, I think some gay rights organizations could justify funding them, seeing as how helpful they really are to our cause. Or maybe American Atheists - after all, who else makes religion look more insane than the the Phelps clan?

Posted by: Richard Rush | Feb 23, 2009 8:10:35 PM

Aww, shucks Shirl. That was awful tame compared to the normal screeds.

And on what he is wearing... my guess is Walmart

Posted by: T. Morley | Feb 23, 2009 9:36:51 PM

Lol I like how she brings up the fact that the UK won't let her hater-self in its borders cause they don't screw around with crap like that there. They might not have freedom of speech there but some things they do I agree with like keeping crazies like her out. Also I don't understand how prop 8 was passed at all would someone guide me to a site that explains how it actually was passed.

Posted by: zacktheman72 | Feb 24, 2009 1:27:48 AM

*yawn* Shirley now is like watching Season 5 of Cheers. No more funny.

Posted by: GT | Feb 24, 2009 2:26:29 AM

Has anyone ever figured out where they get their money from to travel all over the country? I mean seriously... a friend actually visited their compound which he said was quite disturbing. How are these people funded to make all these travel expenses?

That would be a breaking story that would garner you lots of press!

Posted by: Pomo | Feb 24, 2009 1:21:30 PM

Shirl...

"..his dead and in hell, rotting carcass.."

c'mon, you know better than that.

Carcasses rot in the ground, not in Hell. Only souls get to go to Heaven or Hell.

If you're going to preach to us, at least get the obvious stuff right. Cuz if you're wrong on such a simple thing like that, I'm tempted to wonder if possibly some other points of your theology might per chance be subject to a tiny doubt as to whether they are fully and entirely correct.

Posted by: Timothy | Feb 24, 2009 1:31:16 PM

Does anyone else get the feeling that deep down (really deep), in some morbid way, is a delightful faghag waiting to escape?

I would totally take her clubbing. By which I mean, beat her with a golf club. We'd be best friends. Also, I don't go to clubs.

Posted by: Chris | Feb 24, 2009 3:08:28 PM

Alright. So Shirly,

dear shirly,
seriously. What has happened to you in your past? Did a homosexual ever treat you wrong? I mean, yes, they do now, but isn't that sort of what you deserve.. You know, what with the signs with "fags doom nation", what did you expect?

So I'm asking you. I know for a fact that many shrinks and psychologists have already been observing you. I suppose you've heared this question a milion times by now. But you know, with stupid people, "three times the charm" isn't quite correct. And you're stupid. So let me ask it again.

What traumatising event happened in your past that made you live your life the way you do now?

You're the one spoiling a whole life on hatred. Don't to this. it's not to late to change. Save your kids and tell them what's the truth: GLTB members are just as normal as you (or, in your case, MORE normal than you guys) and the world shouldn't reject them.

Posted by: Timothy | Feb 26, 2009 1:25:25 AM

IN RE: The Phelps family's massive war-chest- It's simple, really: Back around late 1970-early 1980, when FAX machines were heavily in use, the Phelps clan of Calvinist Lawyers, lead by the infamous Rev. Fred, jammed the FAX lines of every critic or opponent with stacks and stacks of Bi-bull blather, just exactly like Shirley and her hoe babies scream and shout, only worse. Pincer attacks with frivolous lawsuits (for which he was eventually disbarred) and settling out of court, the Phelpses amassed a sizable fortune, which, given their very frugal lifestyle (especially compared to the average "Minister of God" or televangelist), sits comfortably in their bank accounts earning interest, while the hoard of Phelpses always travel ultra-low-class and stay in economy one-star flops. Combine millions in scammed legal fees with an ultra-Puritan lifestyle and you've got a "Killers-for-Christ" war-chest which can fly the whole herd of them from pole-to-pole with no problem.
Remember, they were sued by a bereaved soldier's family after the Westboro turds had picketed their son's funeral and harrased the mourners. They lost something like 1.5 million dollars---and didn't bat an eye!
We in the Kalimite church consider the Phelpses to be our most-powerful and puissant Deep Cover Agents, next to Jack Chick (www.chick.com) and Fox News.
Hail, Thetan, y'all!

Posted by: Anti-rev. Retson B. Retap | Mar 7, 2010 10:45:00 PM

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