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Beach too peaceful, street sand preacher bashes two pieces

by Jeremy Hooper

Picture 2-221Street preacher Jesse Morrell is detailing his recent attempts to connect with the Spring Breakers of Daytona Beach, FL. Here are a few unfashionable sections from Morrell's travelogue:

The devil is a fashion designer. The devil wants women to wear as little clothing as possible. I would not be surprised if the devil personally thought up the bikini. A bikini is just glorified underwear. Women should not walk around in their underwear! The test of an immodest women is that they show more skin than clothing. The standards of our generation are far from being that of modesty, they are not even that of decency.
We preached, "Ladies, cover up. For God's sake, for Heaven's sake, put some more clothing on! If you feel comfortable walking around with your legs exposed and your cleavage exposed, there is something terribly wrong with your heart. I am just trying to help you. You need to be careful, there are lesbians and masturbators around here! You need to turn from your sins and trust in Jesus Christ."
Sinner Assaults Preacher During Spring Break [Jesse Morell]

Wow, masturbators and lesbians (not to mention masturbating lesbians) are the biggest hazards of bikini-wearing? And all this time we thought wedgies, broken straps, and missed waxing appointments jointly took that prize. Ya know, you really do learn something new about beachwear every single day.

We just hope Mr. Morrell isn't heading down to Palm Springs for this year's Dinah Shore weekend. Because if he thinks the devil is a fashion designer with an eye for lesbian-luring bikinis, then the Dinah is certainly Satan's sapphic runway!

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Your thoughts

I am so fed up with these J-Zeus freaks. They are no different than the Imams and the Taliban, and will not give up until these United States are a christian theocracy.

Posted by: John Ozed | Mar 18, 2009 11:22:22 AM

I get the feeling he'd rather see women wearing that 1890's, Victorian swim wear where absolutely no skin shows, you can see in period photographs.

Something tells me that the real reason these idiots run around with these large "repent" banners and yell out of bullhorns is less about a desire to gain converts and more about a psychological need for the attention that they didn't get in childhood.

Posted by: Jon | Mar 18, 2009 12:32:01 PM

Wikipedia's article on the bikini credits the modern version to one Louis Reard in 1946. Perhaps that was one of Satan's aliases in the '40s. Anyway, the article goes on to say:

"He named it after Bikini Atoll in the Pacific, the site of the Operation Crossroads nuclear weapon test on July 1, 1946. The reasoning was that the burst of excitement created by it would be like a nuclear device."

I guess he knew about the lesbians and masturbators too, they had those back in 1946.

(also, if the devil is a fashion designer, he's probably gay, amirite? :D)

Posted by: Celia | Mar 18, 2009 1:18:01 PM

How bizarre that this guy thinks women in bikinis have reason to fear "lesbians and masturbators" as opposed to, oh, men who might rape them.

Posted by: fannie | Mar 18, 2009 1:27:56 PM

He needs to go to Europe next year, where almost all beaches are topless, and thongs are de rigueur.

Posted by: LOrionL | Mar 18, 2009 2:23:55 PM

....and you all did see Father Tony's pics of the NGLTF Beach Party in Miami of 3/1/09?Nice party!!

Posted by: LOrionL | Mar 18, 2009 2:26:28 PM

I haven't looked at this guy's travelogue, but was there no mention of the skin to fabric ratio for the mens' shorts? or doesn't that matter?

or, more to the unspoken point: ladies, if you get raped, it's because you're tempting the men folk, who have absolutely no control over their impulses, so it's all your fault. Besides, according to the Bible, this is historically accurate: it was Eve who tempted Adam to eat the apple; he was an innocent bystander until Eve allowed satan to work through her seductive ways.

please. someone take that bullhorn and.....

Posted by: keltic | Mar 18, 2009 2:46:00 PM

I just had the most absurd thing pop into my head: How cool would it be to grab a Speedo, some mime makeup and follow this cat around, miming everything he says and does?

Posted by: EdgyB | Mar 18, 2009 4:02:36 PM

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