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08/01/2011

Law & Peter: 'Special Rights' Unit

by Jeremy Hooper

People go to law school for any number of reasons. Personal interest in a crucial branch of government. Desire to make lots of money. Genetic lottery coughed up parents who preferred John Grisham to Dean Koontz. Goal of working in a robe, but not in a church or for a freelance writer's salary. And so on so forth.

Now, in any of these categories (and many more), you will find LGBT people. Because LGBT people are as varied as anyone else. We are nice, we are mean. We are altruistic, we are selfish. We are open-minded, we are prejudiced. We are fair and reasoned social stewards, we are reckless ambulance chasers. In short: We are humans.

But of course we are also a "culture war" flashpoint and religious right scapegoat. So for career anti-LGBT activists like Peter LaBarbera, we gays study the law, pass the bar, achieve in the legal field, and make our way up the bench for one reason and one reason alone. Here, let him tell you why:

"Homosexual activists are quite clear that their so-called 'rights' trump our religious liberty, our freedom to act on our beliefs to oppose sexual immorality," he explains. "So we certainly can't trust open homosexual activists to give us fairness and to defend religious liberty and our First Amendment freedom to live by our faith."

LaBarbera adds that it is because homosexual activists strive to convince people, and force them by judicial fiat, to accept the homosexual lifestyle as somehow equal to heterosexuality.

"This is dangerous territory where we are seeing homosexual activists trying to get on the bench," says the spokesman. "The Democratic Party is advancing their cause and it's not going to help justice. In fact, I predict this will undermine religious liberty in this country."

Activist: Homosexual judges may force 'gay' agenda [ONN]

Right, Pete. Just like gays, as a monolith, go to medical school in order to push "Obamacare." Just like we study business for the lone goal of altering Fortune 500 diversity policies. Just like we become teachers so we can have Pride Month off. Because that's how we LGBT folk are: Both our blood and our obsessions run nothing but rainbow; our drive fueled by nothing but myopic self-interest.

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Oh no, wait: It's actually Peter who has dedicated his adult professional life to LGBT rights obsession, forcing people like myself to pause life to push back. Sorry, my mistake.

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*RELATED: IRS Revokes Peter LaBarbera’s AFTAH Tax Exempt Status [Ex-Gay Watch]

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