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09/24/2012

MN For Marriage pushes false, offensive equations; because that's what these campaigns always do

by Jeremy Hooper

Minnesota for Marriage, the largely Catholic organization working to ban certain citizens under *CIVIL* law, is pushing this idea on its Facebook wall:

(*original wording by extremely far-right local columnist Katherine Kersten)
Screen Shot 2012-09-24 At 8.17.27 Am

Ooh, ooh—I want to play. You can't marry a toaster. You can't marry a strawberry sundae (no matter how delicious). You can't marry six kittens and one turtle. You can't marry a Facebook status, regardless of how many times you "like" it. You can't marry the gospel duo Mary Mary. You can't marry light bulbs, existential ideas, mid-century pottery, or a Swiffer pad.

This is fun! See, the way you play is, you just throw out anything—literally, anything, no matter how unrelated—and then you ask gay people and their allies to answer for those fear claims. Forget context. Forget the fact that society has reconsidered unfair martial limitations and policies throughout our "traditional" history. Forget the fact that LGBT people are actually neighbors, humans, citizens, and taxpayers. Pish, posh! Because you are, after all, a social conservative who has dedicated your life to "culture warring" against certain kinds of people, largely based around your personally-held ideas about God, Jesus, and the Bible. You can just overlook the sound arguments and legal backing that advocates for civil equality have made in places where the academic standard is higher than code words and personal wants. You can simply say trite lines like "You can't marry your bathtub," pat yourself on the back, and then go watch reality show contestants vie for a wedding ring on American reality television.

It's pure bliss, this aggressively obtuse way of politicking! You know, unless you're one of the actual human beings who is tangibly affected by the cynical games. In that case? I don't know—get yourself an ice cream cone or something. Just don't marry it.

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