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'Clarence Thomas' writes for 'The Onion'

by Jeremy Hooper

Go. Read. Ha:

I Get To Determine Whether Gay People Can Marry

Last week, the Supreme Court decided to take up a pair of cases related to gay marriage, cases that will for the first 90 time determine the constitutionality of laws denying marriage rights to same-sex couples. As a member of the nation’s highest court for the past 21 years, I can remember few rulings of such consequence as these two, which will affect the lives of so many people. So as the time approaches, I ask all Americans to think long and hard on what these decisions will mean for the future of our nation, and also think long and hard about the fact that I, Clarence Thomas, will get to determine whether gay people can marry each other.

KEEP READING: I Get To Determine Whether Gay People Can Marry [The Onion]

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