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Cardinal suggests pet store for b-day of lesbian friend's child

by Jeremy Hooper

   The leader of Scotland's Roman Catholics, Cardinal Keith O'Brien, wrote in the Sunday London Times his thoughts that allowing adoption for gay couples would be like turning children into "guinea pigs in some distorted social experiment." Upon hearing this, we immediately thought the obvious: where the hell are we going to hang the water bottle? Upon thinking about it further, however, we begun to concern ourselves with the more pressing thought: where are we gonna put the giant wheel? It was only then that we realized we were being ridiculous, as we haven't even selected a cage yet.

The Cardinal also suggested that "low self-esteem, stress, confusion regarding sexual identity, increased mental illness, drug use, promiscuity, sexually transmitted infections and homosexual behavior” are prevalent among kids of same-sex couples. However, if ours is feeling down about something, we plan on just purchasing one of those really cool colorful tube systems so that our little bundle of guinea can roam more freely.

This parenting thing is gonna be a CINCH!

Cardinal says gay adoption will harm children [Sunday Times]

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