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Homophobic banners go commercial

by Jeremy Hooper

   Okay, be honest - How many times have you asked yourself, "Self, where the hell can I get those crazy-assed homophobic signs and banners that I've seen my local "pro-family" group holding while protesting the homosexual's mere existence?" If you're like us, this question has popped into your head exactly one time, when you were looking for a prop to complete your ensemble for that "Dress As Your Favorite Intolerant" party that your friend Jenny threw last Spring. At that time you had to grab some markers and cardboard and create your own intolerant propaganda piece, which was SUCH a headache. In this fast paced world, who has the time? Plus you really want something that can survive any sort of disasters or raptures that might be reigned upon this Earth by a wrath-filled God. You need something professionally "pro-family" if you really want to get that "WE DISLIKE GAYS" message sufficiently conveyed.

Enter the new online biz NO GAY GEAR (offshoot of our buddies at GayMarriageNo), where they will actually custom create an anti-gay banner or sign to adequately fill your discriminatory needs. The crafty crew is currently offering signs featuring "durable 3/8" corrugated plastic with custom cut vinyl lettering," as well as banners made of "quality, coated, canvas material with custom cut vinyl lettering," both available in custom sizes. But don't go rushing to place your orders yet, friends and acquaintances, as according to the site:

"NO Gay Gear makes custom signs and banners for activist Churches and organizations. Currently this is unavailable to the general public, but will be offered shortly."

To which we say: First off, don't call me shortly. Secondly, where is your everyday run of the mill homophobe who isn't part of some fancy schmancy church or organization supposed to get their custom made message of homo contempt if you guys don't make them available? There are illiterate people in small mountain towns just waiting for you guys to take their "Homeohsaxuelatie Es Sinn" creations to a more understandable level!

Step it up and get your work to the public, NO GAY GEARERS! If we have to counter protest, we at least want to be presented with that unique blend of American artistry, craftsmanship, and hateful sentiment that only you can fully provide!

NoGayGear Signs & Banners [NoGayGear]

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