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09/27/2005
**UPDATED: 'Tom' to APPARENTLY NOT discuss gays' ability to desire a 'Kat'
*****From Bertram Fields, the man to whom this Cruise-related press release is attributed:
This being the case, the following post seems to be no longer relevant. We will, however, leave it up for the sake of reference and nostalgia.*******
Fresh off his summer tour of odd, Mr. Thomas Cruise Mapother IV will reportedly deliver a series of four lectures next month related to "The Modern Science of Mental Health." Though you might ask why we are writing about this as it doesn't sound at all gay-related, one gander at the announced lineup might give you that answer:
--The first lecture, set for October 15, is titled "How Psychiatry Invented Schizophrenia, and What Scientologists Can Do About It".
--The second lecture, tentatively scheduled for October 22, is on "Handling Sexual Dis-Orientation: Out of the Closet and Into the Auditing Room".
--The topic of the third lecture, in early November, will be "Diagnosis and Treatment of So-Called Clinical Depression with the Hubbard Mark Super VII Quantum Electropsychometer"
--The fourth lecture is "Neuroanatomical Changes Resulting from Chronic Methamphetamine Abuse: Can Narconon's Sauna and Niacin Treatment Program Help?"
"Handling Sexual Dis-Orientation?" What, beyond the fundamental fact that attempting to change one's sexuality is insane, needs to be audited? And why is Tommy an expert? And what exactly can we say on this subject without Team Cruise threatening to sue us? WHAT"S GOING ON??!
Matt "glib" Lauer, we need some answers!
Tom Cruise to speak on mental health issue [Release via Pressbox]
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