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Maine & Texas: A tale of two votes

by Jeremy Hooper

Well my pets, election '05 is now but a memory. The votes have been cast, the results are all in, and we now have nothing but the political fallout and life-changing, voter-inititated measures to remind us of these kooky referenda that were.

So how'd the votes go for us homo-gays? Well, all eyes were on Maine & Texas yesterday, where two very different gay-centric proposals were on the ballots. First the good news:

    Maine -- The attempt to repeal the state law that protects 'mos from discrimination totally bit the big one. With half the precincts reporting, results show that around 57% of Mainers chose to allow the "you can't be fired simply because of you're raging case of queer, but you're own your own when it comes to your raging case of dumbass"-enforcing law to stay on the books. Yes my friends, a win for gay rights advocates in a world where they recently seem so offensively few and annoyingly far between. And speaking of annoying and offensive...

   Texas -- Texas became the 19th state to constitutionally ban gay marriage, or as we like to say, the 19th state that now has written proof of its early 21st century embrace on what will one day be unequivocally viewed as ass backwards inequality. Results show that around 76% of Texas voters cast a 'yes' on the queer nuptials ban, which is totally fine, as we think the majority of their weddings were tawdry, with their food leaving something to be desired. Oh, and don't get us started on that band -- where'd you find them, majority of Texans, Off-Pitch, Cheesy Hacks R' Us?

Oh don't listen to us, majority of Texans -- we're just speaking out of hurt. It's just that we love your cooking, we religiously watched "Dallas," we think Six Flags Over Texas is better than any other Six Flags Over Anywhere -- and yet, ya' keep smacking us down. Why ya' gotta do that, babies -- we be nice and fragile.

So far, gloating from Texas anti-gays and backpedaling from Maine's queer foes are both slight, though we'll be sure to keep you posted as they develop.

Texas Voters Approve Ban on Gay Marriage [AP via Yahoo! News]
Maine voters turn back bid to rescind state's gay-rights law [AP via Boston Globe]

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