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11/02/2005

Pair of Polls: Mainers likely to support gay-rights law; Pair of Poles: North & South

by Jeremy Hooper

    Two new telephone polls released yesterday both indicate that when Maine residents go to the ballot box on November 8, the majority will vote to keep a state law barring discrimination against homo-gays. However, pollsters are quick to point out that similar majorities were reported before the state's 1998 and 2000 elections, yet in both of those referenda, citizens chose to put the kibosh on similar gay-rights laws.

So why are all of these Mainers being totally gay-friendly in pre-election surveys, yet staying home or changing their minds on election day? Simple: On the day of the referendum, anti-gays scour the state drugging all of those who come across as too gay-friendly, forcing them to sleep like babies right through election day. The drug used for this process is specifically designed so that when the accepting set come to the next morning, they have no recollection of what's happened to them. The anti-gays then hide all evidence of this controlled substance, storing it in their hidden underground lair in Bangor. The intolerants then congratulate each other on a job well done, as they have duped their state into a few more years of condoned "you're a fag and you're fired, homo" type of behavior. However, they don't rest there, as they know Maine's gays will continue to fight to not have their asses kicked or their qualifications shunned due to said gayness. Therefore, the professionally discriminatory work diligently in the non-election years to create more of this powerful drug, so that they can ensure that their state will continue to vote 'no' on 'mos for years to come.

Or maybe voting's just a pain in the ass, so lots of people don't do it.

Both plausible theories - you be the judge.

Polls show support for gay-rights law [Portland Press Herald]

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