SC Baptists endorse marriage ban; also, the sky is blue

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11/17/2005

by Jeremy Hooper

According to Agape Press, the South Carolina Baptist Convention has endorsed a proposed amendment to their state's constitution that would ban same-sex marriage.

According to us, "Wooo, shocker. Really, we're like sooooooooooo surprised. A group of Baptists chose to support something else that goes against us. Who in their right mind would have thought?? Seriously, we just can't believe this rotten, unanticipated turn of events. Baptists...voting against gays. Stunned. We're just truly, truly stunned. It's like having a giant, queer-friendly rug pulled out from under our marriage-craving butts. I mean, WHO SAW THIS COMING? Honestly? Did you, because we were really caught off guard. It's totally ironic, too, as we were just sitting here planning our Charleston-area destination weddings, when all of a sudden this unsettling word came in that the South Carolina BAPTISTS, of all people, don't want us gettin' hitched in their locale. South Carolina? Baptists? We're just speechless. What is there to say? How did a group of Baptists choose to oppose a gay-friendly policy? Seriously, next think you'll tell us that North Carolina Baptists will vote to oust any church that approves of homosexuality! Oh dear God, we're gonna have to go sit down and ponder this unexpected hand we've been so abruptly dealt. Just nutty beyond all belief, I tell ya. No, we refuse to believe it..."