Oh, now we've gone and 'Dunn' it

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09/28/2006

by Jeremy Hooper

"There are those who argue that a homosexual “marriage” would be no different than a heterosexual marriage. Obviously, this is not true. While the marriage of a man and a woman has a potential life-giving procreative power, a homosexual “marriage” is a dead-end street. In order to illustrate this point, imagine a society composed of couples made up entirely of men. That society would age and die—it is not self-sustaining. Society has an interest in sustaining itself and in giving incentives to couples that have that potential. That is why the state has the right to give privileges to those who marry."

These are the words of Rep. Bill Dunn, the Tennessee House Republican Leader and sponsor of that state's marriage amendment. Wise, right? Because as everyone knows, gay marriage legalization will not merely encourage stability for gay folks, it will rather convert any and everyone into a same-sex-loving being. I mean, seriously -- who knew everyone was just dying to have our kind of sex, and that they were just waiting for legalized marriage before taking dip in queer waters? Because despite this writer's affection for heterosexual weddings, he's never once been lured by the legal lovin' in his midst into schtuppin' a bridesmaid behind an open bar! But, of course, that's because he's already having the fun kid of sex in which everyone apparently wishes they themselves could engage.

So while we merely assumed that if gay marriage becomes legalized, both procreation and gay folks would carry on in this vastly overpopulated world as they always have, we apparently forgot to take into consideration that all straight men are just chomping at the bit to smoke on a pole. Thanks for clarifying, Mr. Dunn; we're sure an analysis of your "dead-end street" example's implications will be very well received among your constituents.

Go Vols.

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