'I believe the children are our future...political weapons?!'

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10/30/2006

by Jeremy Hooper

The following ad started airing in Wisconsin tonight:

::sniff, sniff:: Alright, who fearted? ::sniff, sniff:: Seriously, someone must have ripped a rancid feart, as all of a sudden the putrid stench of extreme bullsh*t is making us nauseous! ::sniff, sniff:: Smells like a mix of cute kid exploitation, flawed logic, and dogma. ::sniff, sniff:: And somehow, just catching whiff of the odor makes us feel that we won't be needing a costume tomorrow, as a large portion of society views us as demons already. ::sniff, sniff:: Ugh, just vile, that feart!

Though personally, we'd like to see the other sides of these conversations, which, in our optimistic world, would go something like this:

GRANDMA, RESPONDING TO FIRST BOY: Well, actually, grandson of mine, your grandpa wouldn't be a woman because I'm a girl who likes boys and he's a boy who likes girls. That's why we're together, because we love one another! But there are some girls who like girls and some boys who like boys. So while you have a grandpa and a grandma, some little boys have two grandmas or two grandpas. But we're all human beings and we all deserve respect.

PERSON RESPONDING TO SECOND LITTLE GIRL AND BOY: Well, the story of Adam & Eve is quite old. VERY, VERY OLD, in fact! But many faiths believe the Biblical Adam & Eve story explains creation of man and woman. So in your religious and spiritual journey, you might also put stock in Adam & Eve as part of your theological outlook. But nevertheless, gay people do actually exist. So even if Adam and Eve were created by God to love one another, somewhere down the line, a percentage of their ancestors were created as folks who are biologically drawn to their own gender. As you said, second little boy -- like "Anna & Eve." Nobody knows exactly why; but in life, there are thousands upon thousands of mysteries! There are still a vast majority of modern day Adam & Eves who are attracted to one another and who keep the population going. Even more than the world's infrastructure can easily handle, actually. So perhaps God created some folks to have very large hearts and deep emotional connections with the world, so that they'll, in return, make society a better, more peaceful place? Well, we all have our theories, children.

GRANDMA, RESPONDING TO FIRST BOY AGAIN: Oh, hi again, grandson of mine! Well, your dad wouldn't be likely to marry a man, because he loves your mom. He's already married! But you may meet a friend someday whose parents are a daddy and a daddy or a mom and a mom. No need to be confused. Some people are what we call 'gay.' Just remember to (a) treat everyone as you would want to be treated (b) love your neighbor and (c) follow your heart, and you will do alright, grandson!