Wherein we quite literally go to the dogs

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01/02/2007

by Jeremy Hooper

Boshump When you live in a city like Manhattan and you have a dog, "dog runs" become a regular part of your life. With green grass in short supply, NYC's designated canine play areas are the best places to take your pooch for exercise and socialization. Unfortunately, this writer also finds them to be places where unscrupulous heterosexism remains in large supply. Let me explain...

Anyone who's lucky enough to have a four-legged friend knows that dogs sometimes get "humpy." Even if spayed or neutered (as all at the dog run are required to be), they still, on occasion, will mount fellow dog ass and go to town. While it can be annoying if the situation prevents your dog from playing, it's typically harmless and usually pretty cute. But if your dog is one of the involved parties, you do sort of look around to see if the other owner is annoyed/embarassed by the situation, or if they find it merely comical and typical. After sizing up the situation, you jointly decide whether and when to break the two apart. Usually no harm, usually no foul.

But here's where the heterosexist part comes in. At least once every visit to the dog park, someone feels the need to make some sort of comment about how the two humpers better be opposite sex, or else something is wrong:

"I hope it's a male and a female at least."

"He's a boy? Well, my dog's a boy too! [slaps hand to head] Oh No!"

"Buster, he's a boy too! What's WRONG with you?"

I've even heard an owner refer to their dog as a "pervert" because it was a canine of the same gender who was causing their tail to wag! And this is in "ultra-liberal" New York City! Right in front of my partner and myself! It's enough to make your humble scribe want to empty the contents of a pooper scooper on the heads of those who've mouthed the ignorant sentiment. Or at the very least, it makes me want to ask PFLAG to expand their services to the parents and friends of lesbian and gay puppies! Usually, however, I just cut them a salty look and make some sort of gay-defending statement that falls on deaf ears.

The annoying thing is that this is one of those situations where many people (including eve some of you, perhaps) would tell those of us offended by such statements to calm down and stop being so sensitive. That's because it's easy to dismiss, due to the peculiarities of the scenario and the breed of the participants. But when you actually think about the situation, and realize that human or not, these people are making a clear statement about sexual orientation in general, you can't help but take offense if you are gay or an ally. It's certain that a vast majority of these "sophisticated" New Yorkers would be offended by an implication that they are in any way homophobic. However, by submitting to the heterosexist paradigm that automatically assumes "heterosexual = preferred and better," they offend this fellow Manhattanite almost as much as someone who is outwardly gay-unfriendly.

Maybe you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but here's hoping you can teach an old Gothamite new ways of thinking. This writer's remaining nice and calm for now; but if he hears one more bemoaning of same-sex boning, he may just have to play...ruff.

**UPDATE: We also made a video of this post: