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02/14/2007
For Valentine's, we want to give you some 'family jewels'
One day when I was a young teen, my older sister brought home two male friends, both of whom had just gone swimming. Very attractive men in their late teens/ early twenties, these two strapping young lads came into our house adorned in nothing but swim suits and towels, get-ups that predictably piqued the interest of your newly pubescent scribe. I, a swimming trunk wearer myself, knew that one tends to “go commando” when donning such an outfit, and outline of anatomy through Lycra short was still a plenty interesting sight for my young eyes. That being the case, as Mark and Jared sat down for M&Ms and a soda, I too decided to pop a squat, in hopes of treating myself to some eye candy.
The duo sat down in our den to talk about whatever bit of whatever was being discussed on that early 90’s summer day. After making some sort of a logical entrance into the situation, I strategically chose to plant my own young bum in my father’s favorite chair, as the sight lines afforded by the particularly uncomfortable seat just so happened to be the best for carrying out my plans. For you see, at that precise moment I had one mission and one mission only: to see balls.
Now, I had certainly seen naked male anatomy before, but not nearly enough for my young liking. You must remember, access to such visuals were far more limited during those days, as the “view anything anytime you like” access afforded by the Internet was still a reality known to only a select, geeky few. These were still encyclopedia times, and a cross section of a scrotum with the vas deferens clearly labeled, while educational, was not going to satisfy my youthful curiosity. Nude dudes never got any below the belt attention in American cinema, and lingering at the local pool’s shower too long to catch a peak was a surefire way for a young’un to get branded a “fruit.” So for those of you who won’t understand why I’d go to any length to simply catch a gander of testes, just know that the ages pre-Internet let far more to the young boy’s imagination!
So as Jared and Mark chatted up my mother, convincing her that they were perfectly upstanding young dudes who were worthy of frolicking with her daughter, I seized the opportunity to begin my penile-seeking endeavor. I first twisted my body a bit, hoping that I’d be able to see into Mark’s baggy aquatic apparel. Alas, his leg was too low and no amounts of bodily contortions were going to help my cause. As “throw your leg up in the air so that I can better see your scrotum” seemed unlikely to yield desirable results, I decided to devise another strategy.
Upon looking around and realizing where I was sitting, it only took a second for me to come up with Plan B. For you see, Dad’s chair, while the only place he ever sat and much beloved by him and his behind, was woefully uncomfortable and, frankly, poorly constructed. When one sat in the ultra-hard throne, the two cushions that made up the backrest and seat would slide out from under the sitter, forcing them to constantly pull the padding back into place. Everyone knew this happened, leading most to just avoid the chair altogether. While that was my usual modus operandi, today would be the day I’d use the seat’s annoyance to my benefit.
I leaned back in the chair, in the way I knew was guaranteed to yield the most cushion slippage. If my past experience was correct, the end result would leave me almost horizontal in the seat within the minute, as the padding slowly drifted downward and outward. So all I had to do was involve myself in the conversation, as if I was so enthralled by the musings that I hadn’t even noticed what was happening to my sitting status, and then wait for the line of sight between my eye and Mark’s open short to align.
The cushions slid, and I rode them down, all the while feigning interest in the conversation. Lo and behold, I eventually saw one hairy testicle, and maybe even a slight peak at shaft.
It was beautiful, both the gonad and the strategy.
On this Valentine's Day, we at G-A-Y encourage you to embrace your truth. Don't let the anti-gay establishment tell you that your experiences are flawed, immoral, or the result of some sort of trauma. We all know the reality that exists within us, as well as the gender to which our attraction has always been focused. Canoodle with that honesty instead of shunning it for closeted deception!
Had the above story been male/female and a recount of this writer's childhood curiosity about boobies, it would be viewed as a charming little story of youthful exuberance. Because my desire is geared toward the same-sex, however, there are many who will condemn my recollection as debauched. I say: Let them attack! For unless they are stifling ball-peeking stories of their own, they wouldn't seem to be qualified to speak on the topic of same-sex desire.
The truth that has existed throughout history and throughout all of the animal kingdom is that cupid's arrow does not always hit a gender-discordant target. Follow your heart.
Happy Valentine's Day, kiddies!!!!
Your thoughts
Hello. I wanted to share with you that I was very moved by your story last night on PBS. As a christian mother, heterosexual and married, I am with those who hold the beliefs that your mother appeared to have. I am not God, and I know it is not our place to judge. If you were my son, I would love you just the same. I wanted you to know that God does love you, and any mom should be proud to call you son! I will enjoy reading your website! Maureen in snowy Buffalo, ny!
Posted by: Maureen | Feb 14, 2007 2:20:50 PM
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