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03/23/2007
SC constitution now counting down days until bullsh*t's removed
The South Carolina gay marriage ban that was annoyingly, offensively approved by voters last November, officially went into effect yesterday.
An arrival to which the constitution itself responded:
"::sniff, sniff:: Alright, which one of you lawmakers used me as toilet paper again? Seriously, dudes -- that not cool!
::sniff, sniff:: No, actually, wait a minute... ::sniff, sniff:: ...this smells much worse than that. More pungent. It's almost like...
::sniff, sniff::
Oh. my. God. You haven't wiped your booties with my precious, governing existence -- YOU HAVE PERMANENTLY IMPLANTED BULLSHIT INTO ME! ::sigh:: I heard about this sort of thing from my cousin in Texas, but I thought he was just pulling my parchment! After all, the whole deal with me and my relatives is that we're supposed to cover freedom for everyone, not just those who feel that their religious beliefs can be used to alter me. But now I see Tex wasn't lying! A noxious, divisive measure have now sullied my existence, and I must live with the foulness until humans eventually wise up.
::Precious governing document begins to weep::
What's the point of going on? My life's work has become a sham and I now reek from forced discrimination. How can I continue? Maybe I should just go find a shredder or drown myself in white out!? Or I could throw myself in the recycle bin and just become a paper plate or something. AAAH...I just want to give up!
::weeping then abruptly stops::
No. NO! I will not let them win. Just like with every other inequality that's been put inside of me, I know the people will eventually rise up and call out this new horse dung in the same way they have all other transgressions! Hell, there was still technically an interracial marriage ban in me until 1998! And If I survived the games Strom Thurmond tried to play with my wording and emotions, I can surely survive anything!
I will not let them invalidate my guarantees! Mark my words! Well, except, of course for those new ones that say some stupid shit about marriage and men and women only. ::shudder::
Now if you'll excuse me, I must go get some scented markers and try and cover up this newly installed foul odor. I have a dat with a hot manilla folder, and I'm not gonna have 'em thinking I'm rife with filth!"
Oh, that personified constitution! Always so unwilling to accept bastardization, it is!
S.C. gay marriage ban goes into effect [AP via Cape Cod Times]
Technorati Tags: South Carolina
Your thoughts
I'm surprised the constituion hasn't been vomiting uncontrolably as well.
Posted by: Sir Cumstance | Mar 23, 2007 2:12:25 PM
as a native of the palmetto state, i refused to believe that the people of my state hated me that much last fall. i thought "yeah, it's conservative state, but i know people from all walks of life there who know me and like me. it won't pass, it's a 'live and let live' conservative state."
of course i knew it would pass, i just wished it wouldn't get more than 80% like alabama. it didn't thankfully (not by much though). i cried a little on election day, since i love the state with all my heart, despite its flaws.
though some amendment can't keep me away, i'm going to eventually move back to my homeland, and rest assured i'm going to do it in the butt!
keep up the good work, btw.
Posted by: Taylor | Mar 23, 2007 4:38:37 PM
Welcome to my life...I live here in the great state of South Carolina, no sarcasm there really! I enjoyed reading your blog! Check out mine sometime!
Posted by: Nick Shalosky | Mar 26, 2007 12:31:08 AM
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