You shouldn't speak batsh*t crazily about the dead

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01/29/2008

by Jeremy Hooper

In a newly issued "Open Letter to the Family of Heath Ledger," the non-Brokeback-loving folks at Westboro Baptist Church are calling on the late star's kin to let them know where and when they can picket his funeral, claiming Heath would want it that way. But why would Heath want them there, you ask? Well, we could never put it as insanely eloquent as WBC, so click the pic to read their words for yourself:

Though we're actually kind of shocked Westboro would have any desire to go to Australia in the first place. After all, their whole life seems to revolve around casting others to "the land down under," not voluntarily going their themselves! Plus, isn't "G'day mate" just a little too phonetically similar to "gay mate" for their liking? We'd think they'd be more cautious of the warning signs before venturing to the devilish land of Vegemite and sin!

But then again, there's likely a kangaroo down in those parts that once danced a little too queerly to a Kylie Minogue song, and Westboro would simply be remiss if they failed to tell him he'll be spending eternity in a marsupial inferno. So safe travels, WBC. But forgive us if we hope that the whole "toilets flushing in reverse" thing will also apply to other forms of sh*t, with your verbal caca being returned right back to the mouths from which it spewed!

***NOTE: The full Westboro press release can be found on their website. However, a link from us is something those kids never receive.

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