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Lafferty: DADT is fine, Lombard Street is not

by Jeremy Hooper

Oh, those pesky "San Francisco values." They're always getting in social conservatives' way, futzing up the "pro-family" world with radical ideas about tolerance, respect, sourdough bread, and Rice-a-Roni. So since the city has so thoroughly messed with evangelical lives, the professional evangelical culture warriors have turned the city into code wording for all that is immoral, scary, and/or Ghirardelli in the world.

 Good As You Images  Good As You Images 200802201058Latest holy roller to suffer under the brunt of Bay Area codes of behavior? The Traditional Values Coalition's Andrea Lafferty, who has issued the following quote about the potential of gay soldiers to be allowed to serve openly in the armed forces:

We don’t want San Francisco values imposed upon the military,” ... “If the 1993 legislation is repealed, it will result in the subversion of our military and create sexual chaos in the barracks and shower facilities. We cannot have our service men and women subjected to open displays of homosexual behaviors.

Yea, you know, because it's not only the desire to openly fight and possibly die for your country that is an SF value. No, no -- SF values also demand of their adopters an inability to function without creating "sexual chaos" via one's genitalia. The SF value of allowing tax-paying citizens to serve as they are doesn't stop there. Most people don't realize that Section 33B of the "Castro Street Handbook" actually contains a stipulation saying that same-sex loving soldiers must whip their penises/vaginas out and run around the barracks screaming: "I will make you my SEX SLAVE! You are under my powers. Succumb to my desire to come! You are defenseless! Drop and serve my privates, private!" If left unchecked, this particular SF value will lead the whole of the U.S. military to place flowers in their hair and dedicate their days to making love rather than war. If allowed in, the gay soldiers' constant desire to schtup anything that moves will thoroughly drop our nation's defense, and the world will be nuked within weeks.

So you go ahead and keep warning America, Andrea Lafferty, you SF values soothsayer, you. After all, who needs Haight/Ashbury codes of conduct when these Hate/Under-Which-Equality-Gets-Buried ethics are serving us all so damn well?!

House Committee To Study Repeal Of Ban On Homosexuals Openly Serving In Military [TVC}

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Your thoughts

How, exactly, does one "whip out" a vagina? Just wondering. :)

Posted by: Jamie | Jul 10, 2008 10:01:58 AM

Carefully, Jamie. Very carefully.

Posted by: G-A-Y | Jul 10, 2008 10:05:07 AM

but you can whip out your breats. wait...het ladies can do that too. omg! it will be chaos in the barracks and showers after all. we are doomed.

Posted by: c-freak | Jul 10, 2008 11:53:32 AM

Clearly the only logical plan is to reopen Alcatraz and put all the LGBT folks and their allies in it. We simply can't be trusted.

Posted by: G-A-Y | Jul 10, 2008 11:57:13 AM

breasts! i meant breasts!

Posted by: c-freak | Jul 10, 2008 1:34:18 PM

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