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Condolences, the 'ex-gay' way

by Jeremy Hooper

What's the compassionate thing to say to someone whose partner has passed away from breast cancer? Well if you're the "ex-gay" leader, then apparently blaming your "lesbianism" for causing God to strike your loved one dead is the proper course of response.

AnthonyHere is what Anthony Falzarano, founder of the PFOX organization and a current affiliate of Exodus International, sent to ex-"ex-gay" Darlene Bogle upon learning that her partner has passed away from the cruel disease:

Darlene, I'm glad I ran across your blog. I still miss you. I am sorry to hear that your lover died of breast-cancer. Darlene is God sending you a message? Please consider coming back to Exodus. You are loved and missed. Why would God call you back to lesbianism, give you a lover and then take her away. I'm sorry that you are going through this. My heart is breaking right now but I believe that you belong to the Lord and "He chastizes the one's that he loves". I believe He is calling you back. If you want to talk I am here to listen. Please call me at [removed] if you want to talk. May God Bless You, Anthony Falzarano


Read the fully story, including Darlene Bogle's response, over at the blog of "ex-gay" survivor Christine Bakke:

Twisted love [Rising Up Whole]

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Your thoughts

What a vulture! Maybe they should change the name to PWolvesInSheep'sClothing. I usually an not at a loss for words, but the only thing I can think of is that no one needs pseudo-pfriends like that.

Posted by: Dick Mills | Aug 8, 2008 11:59:54 AM

Oh, this nutball has already been making his rounds at Truth Wins Out - he's really just a carbon copy of that David Benkof guy:


Posted by: Scott | Aug 8, 2008 1:54:49 PM

This makes me want to cry. Disgusting. I'm glad the Lord is chastising her. You know, by killing the person she loves. And he has the nerve to end with God Bless You after claiming God took the life of her partner?

Posted by: Christopher D | Aug 8, 2008 3:16:02 PM

Not only is it revoltingly insensitive, it's also rock-stupid. I'm fairly certain that some heterosexual men have lost wives to breast cancer. In fact, I'm fairly certain a lot of heterosexuals have had a spouse or lover who died while they were together.

Posted by: Bill S | Aug 8, 2008 5:06:38 PM

This is typical of the real beliefs about gay people from the fundamentalist Christian right-wing nutjobs-for-Jeezus. And people thought it odd that I was literally dancing for joy on the streets of San Francisco (hey - what a great name for a TV series, eh, what?) with a sense of relief when both Falwell and Helms kicked the bucket!

The elitists among us are so removed from the daily realities of life for far too many gay people to understand a simple fact: these people hate and fear us, because they are being taught that we are 1) evil, 2) "of" the "devil", 3) sinners, 4) mentally ill, 5) outlaws, 6) child molesters, and the list goes on. We apparently embody their projected anxieties, fears, and desires and that's just waaaaay not something that can be allowed, and we are therefoe made [all] bad and they are [all] good. Classic case of defensive splitting and characteristic of simple immature logic and thinking. Now, fold that into a compost with social change and political stagnation and you then elevate a fantasied better middle-1950s American to the Christian religion as a new pop-cult dogma.

Posted by: James Lovette-Black | Aug 9, 2008 9:18:24 PM

Demagogues like Anthony Falzarano worship an antichristian god of war and death. They remain willfully ignorant of others so as to engage in relentless antichristian gossip about them. And they vote for politicians and special interests who foster Armageddon-like conditions -- deteriorating seas, poisoned skies, ethnic cleansing, large-scale religious conflict, and idolatrous exaggerations of patriotism.

Worse than these megalomaniacs, though, are the rank-and-file ex-gay and antigay activists who do nothing to rein in the lunatics among them. People like Falzarano would not be able to undermine religion and civil society, were it not for the cowardice and corruption of conservative Christians who tolerate limitless evil among their own in order to win a phony war against non-existent gay bogeymen.

Posted by: Mike Airhart | Aug 11, 2008 1:20:45 AM

I just want to bump Mike Airhart's excellent piece on the subject:


Posted by: G-A-Y | Aug 11, 2008 7:00:26 AM

Mike Airhart, great piece. I fully agree with you. I would even take it a step further and say that the even those who aren't actively seeking to foist their moral opinion onto everyone but passively sit back and tacitly condone the vilification that the lying liars posit are at least equally as culpable. Not only are we morally responsible for our actions, but also for our inaction.

I was actually asked to stop attending the church that I grew up in because while others were chiming with the occasional "AMEN" or "Hallelujah", I was known heard to be saying "That's a lie" or "Check your facts". The one thing that was very curious to me is that several of the members of that church quietly patted me on the back for speaking up. In actuality, I sometimes scolded myself with a, "Did I just say that out loud?!?"

But I believe that more people need to stand up and challenge the lying liars. Their arguments play well until someone (anyone) challenges them.

Posted by: Dick Mills | Aug 11, 2008 5:02:25 PM

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