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08/05/2008
If LiLo pops the cork, it'll likely be sans pop
We don't even know if Lindsay Lohan is really in a relationship with gal pal Samamtha Ronson, much less if she has plans to marry her. But if the nuptial chatter is true, don't expect Lindsay's apparently anti-marriage-equality father to be in attendance. Michael Lohan has given the following quote to MSNBC's "The Scoop" column:
“I haven’t heard anything (about an upcoming wedding) from Lindsay, but if she was marrying Sam, I don’t think she’d ask me to walk her down the aisle,” says Michael. “She knows about my (Christian) faith … she just wouldn’t ask.”
Confused by what Michael means by bringing up his faith, we reply:
"What, you mean since she knows you're divorced, she'd be ashamed to have someone whose marital plan goes against the whole 'for life' pledge that many Biblical literalists insist is inherent to marriage? Oh, Michael -- we're sure Lindsay would be willing to overlook that debatable point. She seems far more open to the realities of the world to exclude a family member for something that is open to personal Biblical interpretation"
But then again, Michael could be referring to other Biblical concepts. For instance, since the wedding would feature two women, he might be scared that passages like this one would be doubly applicable:
If, however, the charge is true and no proof of the girl's virginity can be found, she shall be brought to the door of her father's house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death. She has done a disgraceful thing in Israel by being promiscuous while still in her father's house. You must purge the evil from among you. ~ Deuteronomy 22:20-21.
Sure, it's old Testament. But so is Leviticus, which has been thrown in our gay faces more times than we can count.
Plus, Jolie’s dad showers twins with gifts; who will buy Olsen twins' book? [MSNBC]
**NOTE: To be fair, Michael did also say that he wants Lindsay to be happy. We just wish his commitment to her happiness could translate to him committing booty to chair at any same-sex union she might be planning.
Your thoughts
Oh please LiLo is the season's Anna Heche...
Posted by: Alonzo | Aug 5, 2008 11:23:31 AM
Far be it for me to criticize "christians" LOL, but I believe it's kinda fucked up for an alcoholic with a DUI record, a jailbird, a man who's been divorced, and also a man who recently submitted DNA because he may have had a child out of wedlock, to pass judgement on gays and lesbians.
This guy is about as Christian, as I am heterosexual.
Posted by: Scott | Aug 5, 2008 12:20:23 PM
His Christian faith? Didn't realize that adultery, abandonment, divorce, bastards and boozing were all part of Christianity. SIGN ME UP!
Posted by: stojef | Aug 5, 2008 1:13:06 PM
With a dad like Mike, no wonder LiLo's life is a wreck. Isn't it poetic that it wasn't until she turned lesbionic that she got her life back on track?
I especially love the use of the random Deuteronomy passage.
You get two snaps with a twist!
Posted by: Beej the Pink Sheep | Aug 5, 2008 9:15:13 PM
That poor woman, with parents like that. I hope Samantha really is giving her love. She needs it from somebody.
That said, I still feel moved to point out that my nom d'ecran is derived from the little girl in the Disney movie with the blue alien, NOT Lindsay Lohan.
Posted by: GreenEyed Lilo | Aug 5, 2008 10:51:32 PM
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